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Need help making fun of my wife

necrotimus

necrotimus

Stop looking at my title!
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Throwing my wife a suprise 30th birthday party this coming saturday. I will also be giving a speech where I roast her a little bit. I am working ont he speech now. I plan to list 10 or so reasons why it is better to be 20 than 30 (other than the obvious). Any help with this or any age jokes would be helpful. The less tastefull the better but I won't use it if its not safe for kids ears. What I have isn't that strong but right now I am working on other parts of the speech.

So far my notes read:
We all know that a person’s best years are their 20’s and after that its all down hill.
-last chance to be carded for R rated movies
-last chance to drink illegally
-last chance to be carded for alcohol
-last chance to be considered “cool” by people younger
-last chance to be hit on by other 20 year olds
-last chance to try and pretend she is in her MID 20s
-last chance to learn anything new because old dogs cant learn new tricks
-last chance to wear her school girl outfit for Halloween and not be “that person”
-last chance to bump off her husband during a shark dive because “she wants to dive with sharks before she turns thirty” (we are going shark diving that morning)
-last chance to get drunk and have it excused because she’s young. So please make sure she has a drink in her hand at all times.
 
necrotimus said:
Throwing my wife a suprise 30th birthday party this coming saturday. I will also be giving a speech where I roast her a little bit. I am working ont he speech now. I plan to list 10 or so reasons why it is better to be 20 than 30 (other than the obvious). Any help with this or any age jokes would be helpful. The less tastefull the better but I won't use it if its not safe for kids ears. What I have isn't that strong but right now I am working on other parts of the speech.

So far my notes read:
We all know that a person’s best years are their 20’s and after that its all down hill.
-last chance to be carded for R rated movies
-last chance to drink illegally
-last chance to be carded for alcohol
-last chance to be considered “cool” by people younger
-last chance to be hit on by other 20 year olds
-last chance to try and pretend she is in her MID 20s
-last chance to learn anything new because old dogs cant learn new tricks
-last chance to wear her school girl outfit for Halloween and not be “that person”
-last chance to bump off her husband during a shark dive because “she wants to dive with sharks before she turns thirty” (we are going shark diving that morning)
-last chance to get drunk and have it excused because she’s young. So please make sure she has a drink in her hand at all times.
Click to expand...

That sound really fun so far.. and especially the shark dive. What a cool and thoughtful hubby. But, just so you know.. even though you are only teasing with the above 'last chances' She may need something to cheer her up too. So if this helps.. I just turned 40, and my 19 year old's buddies still think I am cool, and hot. (my hairstylist told me the defininition of milf, yuck) My 16 year old still thinks I am cool enough to be seen with.. maybe my kids are not normal I don't know hehe. I still get carded on the rare occasions that I drink.

It is obvious you are very caring to throw her such a bash! You'll have to tell us all about it after ;)

Deb
 
boo68 said:
That sound really fun so far.. and especially the shark dive. What a cool and thoughtful hubby. But, just so you know.. even though you are only teasing with the above 'last chances' She may need something to cheer her up too. So if this helps.. I just turned 40, and my 19 year old's buddies still think I am cool, and hot. (my hairstylist told me the defininition of milf, yuck) My 16 year old still thinks I am cool enough to be seen with.. maybe my kids are not normal I don't know hehe. I still get carded on the rare occasions that I drink.

It is obvious you are very caring to throw her such a bash! You'll have to tell us all about it after ;)

Deb
Click to expand...

Don't worry after I give it to her for being old (turn about is fairplay). I am going to talk about all her accomplishments (like riding a motorcycle). I am just hopeful the party remains a suprise after all I have had to go through to try and throw her off the trail. She thinks her birthday present is the trip to jamica we are taking in a few weeks. And the shark dive that day. Hopefully she beleives that after all that I can't afford anything like a huge party and beleives that we are just going out to clubs drinking with a group of her friends. Yesterday I had to persuade her that wearing a top that showed off entirely too much clevage for a family event wouldn't be appropriate for the places we are going out drinking.

I would never have beleived you were 40. And don't worry about being a milf its a compliment on so many levels... unless you have photos on the internet in which case you should share with the forum :p
 
I just turned 44 and was talking to my 6 year old son about being a football player,I said to him "you have to be really fit to play well " and he said "Dad,where you ever fit seeing as you so old " !
 
Perhaps some public presentation of some key gifts might be in order?

Like...

Geritol
Walking cane
K-Y (needed when you're old)
denture-cream
depends
anti-wrinkle cream
hair color (to hide the gray)
Reading glasses

According to my wife, the things that bother women the most are,

Wrinkles, Gray hair, "personal" dryness.

As for me, let me publicly express that I know nothing about women.:D
 
necrotimus said:
Don't worry after I give it to her for being old (turn about is fairplay). I am going to talk about all her accomplishments (like riding a motorcycle). I am just hopeful the party remains a suprise after all I have had to go through to try and throw her off the trail. She thinks her birthday present is the trip to jamica we are taking in a few weeks. And the shark dive that day. Hopefully she beleives that after all that I can't afford anything like a huge party and beleives that we are just going out to clubs drinking with a group of her friends. Yesterday I had to persuade her that wearing a top that showed off entirely too much clevage for a family event wouldn't be appropriate for the places we are going out drinking.

I would never have beleived you were 40. And don't worry about being a milf its a compliment on so many levels... unless you have photos on the internet in which case you should share with the forum :p
Click to expand...

My husband would think that was fantastic that you would have to talk her out of a top like that.. he is always trying to talk me into a top like that.(not at family functions of course) hehe. What kind of Bike does she ride? Did she take the MFS Course? Did you order her a cake yet? if you did, how did you have it decorated?
 
Scab said:
Perhaps some public presentation of some key gifts might be in order?

Like...

Geritol
Walking cane
K-Y (needed when you're old)
denture-cream
depends
anti-wrinkle cream
hair color (to hide the gray)
Reading glasses

According to my wife, the things that bother women the most are,

Wrinkles, Gray hair, \"personal\" dryness.

As for me, let me publicly express that I know nothing about women.:D
Click to expand...

I will definetly hit the wrinkles and gray hair but I think I will stay away from personal dryness :eek:
 
boo68 said:
My husband would think that was fantastic that you would have to talk her out of a top like that.. he is always trying to talk me into a top like that.(not at family functions of course) hehe. What kind of Bike does she ride? Did she take the MFS Course? Did you order her a cake yet? if you did, how did you have it decorated?
Click to expand...

She likes cruisers and ultimately wants a harley but she doesnt like the sportsters so they were out of our price range for now. She has a VStar 650. Her, my brother, and myself all took the MSF course together after she talked us into it. The instructor joked with her that hes never seen anyone scrape the pegs on a dirtbike and he would pass her automatically if she did. I wasn't in charge of the cake but one of her favorite color combinations is purple and green. So the color of the cake is..... purple and green! And it has GIR from Invader Zim on it. If you don't know who that is I suggest you watch the following clip (ps his disguise for earth is the dog costume)

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r258Jca9e0A"]YouTube - Gir Moments[/ame]

Invader Zim - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

necrotimus-albums-bikes-picture848-wifes-bike-wife.jpg


Wife + Bike
 
get one of those giant cakes and pop out of it, since you want to do it now before she gets so old she can't handle it ;)

i actually have no idea what would be funny i guess.....
 
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