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A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of his house yelling to his Wife.
"Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery jackpot!!"
"Do I pack for the beach or the mountains?" she replies
"Who cares", he replies, "Just pack your bags and leave!"
"Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery jackpot!!"
"Do I pack for the beach or the mountains?" she replies
"Who cares", he replies, "Just pack your bags and leave!"
kinda gross
1. Ok there is a 2 men across the world from each other. One is standing on the edge of the roof of an 80 story building. The other is getting a blowjob from an 80yr old lady. They are both thinking the same thing. What are the thinking.....
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Just dont look down, just dont look down!
2. why does Michael Jackson Moon Walk? He is practicing his punishment in hell. Saten likes little boys too.
Ok these were told to me by my best friend who is african american when we were around 4 of his black friends. I didnt know what to do i couldnt laugh you figure out why.
1. What do you say when you see you tv floating in the middle of the night?
Drop it n*gg*r
2. whats the difference between snow tires and black people?
The tires dont sing when you put the chains on them.
Ok and my last one is a bit lengthy.
a man driving across country stopped for the night at a Bar hotel. He went down to the bar and ordered a shot. He spots a big glass jar full of hundered dollar bills. He asks the bartender whats with the jar? The bar tender said the there was a long going bet that no one has been able to complete. The asked what it was. The bartender said well you have to down 2 bottles of our hottest pepperd tequila, then go out back there is a very mean old rott whieler out there and it's got a bad tooth. You have to pull that tooth. And lastly, there is an 80 yr old lady that hasnt been pleasured in a long time. You have to pleasure her. Then you will get the money. the guy said no way, but after an hour of drinking liquid courage he shouts where is the bottles. he downs them both without making a face. The he runs out the back and they hear a lot of comotion and growling and barking and sreaming then a yelp from the dog and everything goes quiet. The man stumbles in the door all taddered and torn and says ok now where's the B*tch with the loose tooth.
1. Ok there is a 2 men across the world from each other. One is standing on the edge of the roof of an 80 story building. The other is getting a blowjob from an 80yr old lady. They are both thinking the same thing. What are the thinking.....
.
..
...
....
.....
......
Just dont look down, just dont look down!
2. why does Michael Jackson Moon Walk? He is practicing his punishment in hell. Saten likes little boys too.
Ok these were told to me by my best friend who is african american when we were around 4 of his black friends. I didnt know what to do i couldnt laugh you figure out why.
1. What do you say when you see you tv floating in the middle of the night?
Drop it n*gg*r
2. whats the difference between snow tires and black people?
The tires dont sing when you put the chains on them.
Ok and my last one is a bit lengthy.
a man driving across country stopped for the night at a Bar hotel. He went down to the bar and ordered a shot. He spots a big glass jar full of hundered dollar bills. He asks the bartender whats with the jar? The bar tender said the there was a long going bet that no one has been able to complete. The asked what it was. The bartender said well you have to down 2 bottles of our hottest pepperd tequila, then go out back there is a very mean old rott whieler out there and it's got a bad tooth. You have to pull that tooth. And lastly, there is an 80 yr old lady that hasnt been pleasured in a long time. You have to pleasure her. Then you will get the money. the guy said no way, but after an hour of drinking liquid courage he shouts where is the bottles. he downs them both without making a face. The he runs out the back and they hear a lot of comotion and growling and barking and sreaming then a yelp from the dog and everything goes quiet. The man stumbles in the door all taddered and torn and says ok now where's the B*tch with the loose tooth.
Or an old one for boxing fans,
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Herbie Hide have in common?
A: They both wear gloves for no apparent reason!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Herbie Hide have in common?
A: They both wear gloves for no apparent reason!
- Joined
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Willie Nelson is dead !!!!! sadly he was run over by a truck while singing "On the road again":thumbup:
hey how many A.D.D. kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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you wanna go ride bikes?
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you wanna go ride bikes?
OLYpilot510
Junior Member
I can't believe I haven't seen this old joke yet, especially in THIS forum:
What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
...the location of the dirtbag.
What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
...the location of the dirtbag.
An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about
20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart"?. No reply.
Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply.
5' and not a word.
A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey"?
His wife said "For the fourth time, yes."
20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart"?. No reply.
Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply.
5' and not a word.
A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey"?
His wife said "For the fourth time, yes."
Why are guys faster than girls?
They have a stick shift and ball bearings.
They have a stick shift and ball bearings.
Two starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town.
they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first
man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he
will wait. after the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the
road. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it
up. the second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he
sits down: "now THIS is what i've been waiting for! a hot meal!"
they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first
man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he
will wait. after the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the
road. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it
up. the second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he
sits down: "now THIS is what i've been waiting for! a hot meal!"
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.
To keep his ankles warm.
This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now.
Doctor: "What happened to you?"
He says: "I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!"
Doctor: "But I don't understand. Elephant *****es are very narrow and
couldn't cause that much damage!"
He says "Aah but you see doctor, he fingered me first!"
Doctor: "What happened to you?"
He says: "I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!"
Doctor: "But I don't understand. Elephant *****es are very narrow and
couldn't cause that much damage!"
He says "Aah but you see doctor, he fingered me first!"
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Kick his sister in the chin.
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?
So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?
So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."
A little boy was excited about his first day at school.
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class
started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to
the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if
he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but
asked him to be quick.
Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate
and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.
The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram
to where he should go and asked him if he will be able
to find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes"
and goes on his way.
Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says
to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at
the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So two fellas go together and five minutes later they
both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks
Jon, "Well, did you find it?"
Jon is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his
boxer shorts on backwards"
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class
started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to
the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if
he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but
asked him to be quick.
Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate
and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.
The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram
to where he should go and asked him if he will be able
to find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes"
and goes on his way.
Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says
to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at
the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So two fellas go together and five minutes later they
both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks
Jon, "Well, did you find it?"
Jon is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his
boxer shorts on backwards"
A guy walks into a bar. First thing he says? "Ouch."
Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her
son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood,
and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a
little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his
mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For
kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and
for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."
Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through
the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.
The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna
tell him, or should I ?"
son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood,
and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a
little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his
mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For
kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and
for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."
Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through
the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.
The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna
tell him, or should I ?"
How do fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?
You take the F out of safe and the F out of way.
There's no F'in way!
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Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
You take the F out of safe and the F out of way.
There's no F'in way!
-----------------------
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
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Why are women such poor judges of time and distance?
Because all their lives they've been told that 3" is a foot and 30 seconds is an hour...
A boy comes home and asks his mom, "Mom, where to babies come from?"
Mom say, "The stork brings them, sweetie."
So the boy asks, "But who f*cks the stork?"
Because all their lives they've been told that 3" is a foot and 30 seconds is an hour...
A boy comes home and asks his mom, "Mom, where to babies come from?"
Mom say, "The stork brings them, sweetie."
So the boy asks, "But who f*cks the stork?"
