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~~Daily Feed, post what made you laugh today ~~
- Thread starter FinalImpact
- Start date
Can you spell irony?
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Two hours into my first day of work as a WalMart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids. Hearing her swear at them, I interjected "Good morning, welcome to WalMart. Nice kids, are they twins?"
The mother answered "Hell no, they ain't twins! The one is 9 and the other is 7, why would you think they was twins? Are you blind or stupid or both?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid" I replied, "I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at WalMart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
The mother answered "Hell no, they ain't twins! The one is 9 and the other is 7, why would you think they was twins? Are you blind or stupid or both?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid" I replied, "I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at WalMart."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
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A young lady, very ill and on her death bed is visited by God.
God says to her "There three things you can do to avoid dying and going to heaven, and I know you really want to live".
the girl says" Yes I do want to live I have a boyfriend who is just so fabulous and I want to spend as much time with him as I can, what d I need to do?"
God says, " First stop drinking, second, stop smoking and finally you have to stop having sex. Now you have a week to prove how much you want to live, get up from your sick bed and don't do those three things, I'll come and see how you are going.
The girl goes home and after a week, true to His word, God appears and asks,"How did you go?"
"Well" ,she replied, "giving up drinking was hard but I did it, giving up smoking was even harder, but I did it, but I'm afraid the sex bit was impossible.
I was with my boyfriend, and I was just lounging on a couch and he came over to me and said I was alluring and he wanted me so bad, and ... well....we made passionate love for an hour and half!"
God said, "I was worried about that, we don't like people having sex in heaven".
to which the girl said," they don't like it in the furniture store either!"
God says to her "There three things you can do to avoid dying and going to heaven, and I know you really want to live".
the girl says" Yes I do want to live I have a boyfriend who is just so fabulous and I want to spend as much time with him as I can, what d I need to do?"
God says, " First stop drinking, second, stop smoking and finally you have to stop having sex. Now you have a week to prove how much you want to live, get up from your sick bed and don't do those three things, I'll come and see how you are going.
The girl goes home and after a week, true to His word, God appears and asks,"How did you go?"
"Well" ,she replied, "giving up drinking was hard but I did it, giving up smoking was even harder, but I did it, but I'm afraid the sex bit was impossible.
I was with my boyfriend, and I was just lounging on a couch and he came over to me and said I was alluring and he wanted me so bad, and ... well....we made passionate love for an hour and half!"
God said, "I was worried about that, we don't like people having sex in heaven".
to which the girl said," they don't like it in the furniture store either!"
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sniff6
Be nice i am
Oops!
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sniff6
Be nice i am
sniff6
Be nice i am
I'm pretty sure this HD is all stock!
:shakehead::shakehead:
34 second mark...
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-0PW85ok8A[/ame]
34 second mark...
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-0PW85ok8A[/ame]
Not so humorous but a WIN for Everyone.... We need more of this here!!!
Skip to 0:40 if you're busy today...
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZhdvl_P1Zc[/ame]
Skip to 0:40 if you're busy today...
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZhdvl_P1Zc[/ame]
sniff6
Be nice i am
Why men shouldn't write advice columns
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raja777m
Ride like you own it..!
yes man, people should learn, that far left other than carpool lane is for speed and overtake not to maintain speed limit..!
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[FONT="]One day in the future, Barack[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]Obama has a heart-attack and[/FONT][FONT="] dies.
He immediately goes to hell,[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]where [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]the devil is waiting for him.[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]
"I don't know what to do here,"[/FONT][FONT="] says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said........... [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]"OK, Monica, you're free to go."[/FONT]
He immediately goes to hell,[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]where [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]the devil is waiting for him.[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]
"I don't know what to do here,"[/FONT][FONT="] says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said........... [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]"OK, Monica, you're free to go."[/FONT]
Yet another advantage of motorcycles over bicycles
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sniff6
Be nice i am
People often say that they can't understand the English or Irish accent, I got the general gist of this but there were gaps lol.
Nelly
Great skills, which one is the hog?:rof::rof::spank::spank:
Nelly