I have to write...

[Cribbe]

I dont know if this is in the right section but I just have to write something before I will go crazy in my head....
Well well so it happend yesterday. My wife and I will seperate. I dont really know what I feel today. It has been ups and downs for almost a year now, so I gues It has been in the mirror all the time. Now I am looking for a new apartment...
We have together the most buitiful girl in the world who soon will be 4 years old. I have to think of her. Whats best for her, parents that is screaming to eachother all the time or a mom and dad that lives seperate where she will be one week at each of us. Sorry to post this, but right now I just dont know what to do....

 

[mnuttall87]

Sorry to hear about that bro. Wishing you the best...

 

[Kazza]

Sorry to hear.

Much better for you to separate and stay friends for the sake of your daughter, rather than stay together and argue in front of her.

Good luck. It will get easier.

 

[The Toecutter]

I dont know if this is in the right section but I just have to write something before I will go crazy in my head....
Well well so it happend yesterday. My wife and I will seperate. I dont really know what I feel today. It has been ups and downs for almost a year now, so I gues It has been in the mirror all the time. Now I am looking for a new apartment...
We have together the most buitiful girl in the world who soon will be 4 years old. I have to think of her. Whats best for her, parents that is screaming to eachother all the time or a mom and dad that lives seperate where she will be one week at each of us. Sorry to post this, but right now I just dont know what to do....

You just keep writing and talking about what's bothering you if it's helping you.I do the same thing when i'm upset.you can alway's go back and read and see how your thinking will change over time and it can be encouraging to see your making progress toward's healing your broken heart.sometimes people can be on the same track when they meet and then one or both can take a new path mentaly and a rift form's between them and communacation lines fail.just keep thinkin about what is best for your child and give her the best Father you can be.

 

[motojoe122]

Sorry to hear, man. I went thru the same thing. Its been 2 years since the divorce. I guess she had it in her head years ago that she didnt want to be in the military lifestyle anymore...In the back of my head, well, I guess I saw it coming but didnt want to acknowledge it. So, it was more of a shock to me.

I'll tell you this right now...there is light at the end of the tunnel. It will get easier, promise! We have a 7yr old daughter together, which I get on the weekends because my work schedule. Its still not easy, but much better then it was. The X and I are better friends then we ever were. And my daughter adapted pretty well, although, I would suggest counseling for her. It has helped my daughter figure out a lot of things that she thought was her fault regarding the divorce.

Pm me if you want to talk about anything else:thumbup:

Joe

 

[Downs]

Went through one back in 2008 and I've never been happier. It may not seem like it now but you'll get happier and realize you're better off.


Sent from my iPhone

 

[Cribbe]

Thanks all for your support! I feels good to read your answers. The biggest thing right now is that we are going to live together until I find something else. I dont now how I will manage this. Sure, I could move home to my parents until I find an home for my self but this is not so funny to do when your 35 years old...
I´ll guess that I have to live for I while and have it like it is now. Hopefully I will find something else qiuckly, but you never know.

 

[wrlomas]

Sorry to hear that, I went thru the same thing minus the daughter, It's very tough. Stay busy and talk to people about it. PM me if you want to talk it out.

 

[Erci]

Very sorry about your situation. Time heals all wounds, right?
Just wanna say once again how awesome and supportive people are on this forum! :thumbup:
Hang in there Cribbe.. it will get better!

 

[Motogiro]

Sorry you are going through this. I know it's very painful but you will come through this. You will survive, grow and become even stronger to yourself and others around you. Be surrounded by the love that is within you!

 

[Cribbe]

Well tonight we had a disscusion and it feels like that we atleast can talk together how the future will be. I will move as soon as I find a new home. Then I will have my doughter every other week. Thats is the main thing thats important now. Atleast my bike right now is "written" in my fathers name so she cant take that away from me in the divorse. It seems that she have read a lot about a divorse beacause she now alot about it...
I am wondering who ever said that the life would be easy? But as a couple of you has been written here it tough just now but it will be better. Well I gues that I have to see the light in the tunnel i front of me.

 

[7UPyours]

It will def get better, I have also been there (4years ago), althought we didn't have any kids so it made things easier. Now to fast forward, I have remarried and we have been together 3+ years and things are awesome for me. Definitly keep talking/writing about it and we are here to listen and help out. Keep your head up and stay positive, enjoy your time with your daughter, she will appreciate it

 

[mave2911]

Good luck Cribbe. Believe what I and others say Mate, you'll be better off.

It's very pleasing to see you can have a mature relationship with your ex, but one thing I would counsel in the strongest possible terms, is you'd be FAR better off moving in with your parents, pronto, then staying there.

When my marriage split up, I came back to my Mummy, and it was honestly the best thing I could have done. I have seen it time and time again where people would split up, but due to finances or whatever, they've had to stay in the same house.

I promise you, no good can come of it.

All the little things that bothered her before (and women can find a lot, of seemingly abstract ones) will now piss her off no end.

Better to move completely out, so she can see the path that she has chosen, instead of still having your support and/or help.

Please feel free to reply here, or even via PM, I've been through it, and if all I can do is be a friendly ear, then you will have it.

Chin up Mate, I married my final wife 11yrs ago now, and we're a lot happier on our worst days, than I EVER was with my Ex.

Cheers,
Rick

 

[Dave.TX]

Sorry to hear about it, Cribbe. I got married and divorced within a 7 month span and it cut me to the core when she told me she didn't love me, ever. Thankfully we didn't have any kids.

You seek out a good friend or family member to talk to that can see the whole picture and bring you into perspective should you start getting down on yourself. And by all means, don't argue in front of your daughter.

I agree that she'll need someone to tell her it's not her fault.

Things may look glum now but it won't last. You'll make it through. We all did.

 

[AngelFZ]

Things not get better instantly.

It is unfortunate your situation and even worse your daughter's but try to be the best father you can. Time heals and make all your efforts to show your daughter how much you love her and make her always feel special.
Life gets complicated and many times innocent kids pay a big price.

Best of luck

 

[chunkygoat]

The only way to go is up.

My buddy's parents separated when we were young, and they were constantly fighting and yelling. Times were rough for them, but after the split - once they had their own places - for the sake of their children, they stayed friends. And to this day we all hang out together as friends. It was a really sketchy situation at first - but 15+ years later there are no bitter feelings.

I am glad for both of their sake, and their children's sake - that there still remains a long lasting friendship. It's a great act to demonstrate towards your children and makes for a great role model.

So I hope this helps you because sometimes one situation leads to a better one. One door closes and another opens.

Good luck in your future endeavors - I'm sure things will work out for you.

 

[Cribbe]

It feels good not to be "alone" out there. We are going to sign the divorse papers today, and then it will take 6 months until it are leagally ok.
This is set by laws in sweden beacause when you have children you should have time to think things over. So now I am looking hard to find another place to live. But it is not so easy
I have been thinking of moving to my parents but I dont think it will be such a great idea. I cross my fingers that I will find an apartment soon...

 

[The Toecutter]

It feels good not to be "alone" out there. We are going to sign the divorse papers today, and then it will take 6 months until it are leagally ok.
This is set by laws in sweden beacause when you have children you should have time to think things over. So now I am looking hard to find another place to live. But it is not so easy
I have been thinking of moving to my parents but I dont think it will be such a great idea. I cross my fingers that I will find an apartment soon...

You will find peace eventualy. I know how stressful a break-up can be!! can't sleep don't want to eat,constantly seeking distraction.... ext..... it's very physicaly and mentaly EXHAUSTING!!! there is a good reason for the 6 month wait because that's about how long it takes to get over the failure of a long relationship,and you can see more clearly once the emotional pain has subsided and make a more rational desicion regarding the spliting up of your community property.it will get better soon but I know it's Killing You Inside for now.I hope you can find some peace soon brother!!

 

[turbid]

thats a tough situation to be in, but thanks to the support of the forum members here you feel better, i ve no experience with such things and i hope to never have, i just want to ask you if you are positive that you talked things over and figured out the points of view of each other before signing the divorce papers? yelling at each other rarely resolves things and usually the problem is aggravated.

 

[keith w]

You can make it through this. I did.I was married over 9 years with 3 sons aged 7,2 and 1 when we divorced. I was 31 years old. That was almost 30 years ago (I am 59 years old). Many years of distance allows some perspective. I am now very close to my 3 sons and have been happily married for 21 years.

It was the hardest pill I have ever had to swallow. It will get better day by day and week by week. Stay as close to your family as you can and lean on them when necessary. In my case, my faith was critical in getting through this.

Both of you will make mistakes in the process. Learn from them and do not allow anger to destroy a friendly relationship with your ex, since your access to your daughter will always be better with a friendly relationship. Stay as close to your daughter as possible and enjoy the time you have with her. There may be a day you can look back at this and see it was all for the better. That is where I am at now. I hope life treats you well and you also can find this peace at some point in the future. Good luck.