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FinalImpact

FinalImpact

2 Da Street, Knobs R Gone
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Dog Chow:

So I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dog. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me!
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. :thumbup:
 
FinalImpact

FinalImpact

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Going for 3 in a row. . .

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief.

The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die.

What is first wish?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."

The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back. The horse takes off.

Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the back.

Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The indians bring him his horse.

The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"
 
motojoe122

motojoe122

No ride is too far...
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Your Real Horoscope

AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 - Feb. 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same stupid mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a f$$$ing jerk.
:BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA::BLAA:
NAILED IT!!!
 
sniff6

sniff6

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139998d1341334214-joke-day-life-save.jpg
:thumbup:
 
FinalImpact

FinalImpact

2 Da Street, Knobs R Gone
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A craigs list post for a Kawi!

Breeze through the Grey section to the final words. . .

I am selling my 2006 kawasaki zx6r ninja 636 with a clean title. The bike has been well maintained and servied. Always has been garged and not left or ridin in the rain. The odometer is currently reading 12,000 miles on it. Has been servied at 11,500 new front and rear brake pads, oil change, fuilds flush, full bike check. Has aftermarket turning signals, inergrated turing led taillights, michelin radial tires, pointed Handel bars. Tags good till 2014. I am selling because i am working a lot and dont have time to ride this beautiful bike, hoping to sell to a buyer who will treat and respect the bike. Now for the down side, the scrachted fairings and broken rear brake pedal. Bike comes with a KBC dot approved helmet also a nice bike cover.
I am Asking $4,600. Firm. No Trades No Low balling Dont text if you dont have the money. Serious injuries only please. No Emails. Text is best at XXX-XX-XXXX. Thank you.


Too Funny! :D :D :D
 
FinalImpact

FinalImpact

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A couple were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one .... 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you.

"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your Mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your Mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're b@stards?

"Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones, too."
 
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