That was Great! Tks for the laugh!
PS - no comment on what that guy was thinking! But he'll never do that again! lol Rep point! :thumbup:
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- Thread starter FinalImpact
- Start date
That was Great! Tks for the laugh!
PS - no comment on what that guy was thinking! But he'll never do that again! lol Rep point! :thumbup:
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[FONT="]The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women – and baffled blokes.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Now, Fifty [/FONT][FONT="]Sheds[/FONT][FONT="] Of Grey, offers a treat for the men.[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]The book's author Colin Grey recounts his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]Fifty Sheds Of Grey
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall.[/FONT]
[FONT="]But in the end we came to the conclusion[/FONT][FONT="]the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
So I took her to Bunning’s.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.
“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”
“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.
“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
“Very well,” I replied. “You have fat ankles and no dress sense.”
“Are you sure you want this?” I asked.
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]“When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.
“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, so I left the toilet seat up[/FONT]
[FONT="]Now, Fifty [/FONT][FONT="]Sheds[/FONT][FONT="] Of Grey, offers a treat for the men.[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]The book's author Colin Grey recounts his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]Fifty Sheds Of Grey
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall.[/FONT]
[FONT="]But in the end we came to the conclusion[/FONT][FONT="]the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
So I took her to Bunning’s.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.
“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”
“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.
“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
“Very well,” I replied. “You have fat ankles and no dress sense.”
“Are you sure you want this?” I asked.
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]“When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.
“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, so I left the toilet seat up[/FONT]
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Ladies (and maybe some Gents, I'd hate it if people thought I was discriminating)
BE WARNED
BE WARNED
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Ladies (and maybe some Gents, I'd hate it if people thought I was discriminating)
BE WARNED
Hahaha..I don't shop at WM, but do have to be in them for work and if I EVER saw a guy in there that looked like that, hell, I'd give him my purse!!
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Yep, she locked it in..............
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Open relationship
My wife excluded, of course. Oh wait, she doesn't frequent this forum, nevermind.
View attachment 55732
View attachment 55732
This may have played before.....
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 – Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called and SWAT team arrives. Both Johnny and Mark are arrested, charged with assault and expelled.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not sit still in class, disrupting other students.
1957 – Jeffrey sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. He returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The family gets extra money from the government because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2011 – Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with Billy's psychologist.
Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the principal out on the smoking dock.
2011 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations.
Scenario 6:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 – Ants die.
2011 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism.
Scenario 7:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary, who hugs him to comfort him.
1957 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2011 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 – Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called and SWAT team arrives. Both Johnny and Mark are arrested, charged with assault and expelled.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not sit still in class, disrupting other students.
1957 – Jeffrey sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. He returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The family gets extra money from the government because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2011 – Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with Billy's psychologist.
Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the principal out on the smoking dock.
2011 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations.
Scenario 6:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 – Ants die.
2011 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism.
Scenario 7:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary, who hugs him to comfort him.
1957 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2011 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.
sniff6
Be nice i am
Like a Boss!!
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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sX-H2Z9Dfk[/ame]
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience about drinking and driving. Some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
Last weekend I was out for an evening with friends and had several ****tails, followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before ... I took a cab home!
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it!!!
Last weekend I was out for an evening with friends and had several ****tails, followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before ... I took a cab home!
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it!!!
WHAT? HUH? SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URQYr1Y2x48[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URQYr1Y2x48[/ame]
Last edited by a moderator:
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so this is what we got up to during the Comfortably Numb Xmas show last night after a beer or two
Justfound it on facebook----didnt take long, Perce titled it "Ades new Mohawk"
Justfound it on facebook----didnt take long, Perce titled it "Ades new Mohawk"
Last edited:
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so this is what we got up to during the Comfortably Numb Xmas show last night after a beer or two
Justfound it on facebook----didnt take long, Perce titled it "Ades new Mohawk"
Excellent! Like your Zappa shirt!
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Thanks Cliff
my iPhone post using Tapatalk - sorry for any shpillong mishtooks i has fat fingies
my iPhone post using Tapatalk - sorry for any shpillong mishtooks i has fat fingies
sniff6
Be nice i am
This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you.
I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck
up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as
I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you’ve left for work.
I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies.
My wife has known for some time now and I’ve promised her that it won't happen again.
Regards, Alan.
Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun,
and without a word, shot his wife twice in the head, killing her instantly.
He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message:-
Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door again.
Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi’ To ‘Wife’.
Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards, Alan.
I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck
up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as
I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you’ve left for work.
I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies.
My wife has known for some time now and I’ve promised her that it won't happen again.
Regards, Alan.
Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun,
and without a word, shot his wife twice in the head, killing her instantly.
He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message:-
Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door again.
Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi’ To ‘Wife’.
Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards, Alan.
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What do I think of this post ???..........................
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