Alone after 24 years :(

[LERecords]

Agreed! Even though it may not work for me, (I am still going to try everything, and have faith it will) I will still have 24 years of memories with my angel that I will cherish always, Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

very sorry for you man, but cheer up!! seems like you already started to and thats good. its a good time to focus on you as well and take some time to do some of those things you never thought you would have the chance to do. along with being a good dad! :thumbup:

the forum is a great place to be a part of!! so much good positive vibes from everyone!! great to be in a place were you have tons of support!! its kinda like AA but with the alcohol :thumbup:

 

[2006_FZ6]

Very sorry to hear about your situation. You sound like a great guy who is determined to the best father for your kids. Focus your energy on them and keep it positive. Be the bigger person and no matter how painful, avoid bad mouthing their mother. Since they are older, they will soon figure out what the heck was mom thinking??? Dad's a great guy!

Prayers and positive vibes are being sent your way, hang in there.

 

[oldfast007]

Update. Still not back home but GOD has been showing me so much about how i must be a better person its truly amazing!! Some lines of communication have been established and my kids are a wonderful loving inspiration. I truly am blessed and still hopeful but I must follow where my Lord leads me regardless of the outcome. Sorry if a little to religious for some but oh well. This is as real as its gets for me. Thank you all so much for all of your prayers and good wishes there helping immensely! !

I forgot to add, if my wife had not been so honest with me I don't think I would be changing at all, If she only knew how much I love her for that as well!! I have always said when you love some one so deeply you have to love them for their faults as well as their good points.

 

[agf]

Sorry if a little to religious for some but oh well......


I have to say I am not religious but if faith in God is the help that gives you strength, it is not up to me to decide if it is right/wrong. Stressful situations can make or break us, getting through them is the goal( I know as I have been where you are)
I just hope for you things stay on the improve
all the best

 

[lonesoldier84]

Update. Still not back home but I have been seeing so much about how i must be a better person its truly amazing!! Some lines of communication have been established and my kids are a wonderful loving inspiration. I truly am fortunate and still hopeful but I must follow where my path leads me regardless of the outcome. This is as real as its gets for me. Thank you all so much for all of your support and good wishes they're helping immensely! !

No issues at all with that^. The truths that unite us are universal.

Good luck man. But you'll be fine. Motorcycles will get you through it.

 

[The Toecutter]

Update. Still not back home but GOD has been showing me so much about how i must be a better person its truly amazing!! Some lines of communication have been established and my kids are a wonderful loving inspiration. I truly am blessed and still hopeful but I must follow where my Lord leads me regardless of the outcome. Sorry if a little to religious for some but oh well. This is as real as its gets for me. Thank you all so much for all of your prayers and good wishes there helping immensely! !

Just keep trusting and listening to God,I know at times you want to grab the wheel back from him,but remember for him to fix whats wrong you have to completely hand it over to him...... he has a plan for you,and right now you are being made into a new person,stronger,wiser,more loving...... be strong keep putting one foot in front of the other,and you will prevail as a better Man for it!! :rockon: :rockon: :thumbup: :thumbup:

 

[oldfast007]

Just keep trusting and listening to God,I know at times you want to grab the wheel back from him,but remember for him to fix whats wrong you have to completely hand it over to him...... he has a plan for you,and right now you are being made into a new person,stronger,wiser,more loving...... be strong keep putting one foot in front of the other,and you will prevail as a better Man for it!! :rockon: :rockon: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Dead on!! It is so hard for a control freak to let go, but I am and will continue to let go.....

 

[Rabbitman109]

Don't worry, time heals all. Things like this happen all the time. I know it is hard, but sometimes it is just easier to let things go. I wish you all the best, and hope that you will someday be healed.

 

[pottie]

Great to heard you made move to made peace with your self...
" My kids are a wonderful loving inspiration " That s a good start
Keep it smile bro...life is too short to be sad...:cheer:

Update. Still not back home but GOD has been showing me so much about how i must be a better person its truly amazing!! Some lines of communication have been established and my kids are a wonderful loving inspiration. I truly am blessed and still hopeful but I must follow where my Lord leads me regardless of the outcome. Sorry if a little to religious for some but oh well. This is as real as its gets for me. Thank you all so much for all of your prayers and good wishes there helping immensely! !

 

[Marthy]

We have all been there at some point in our life my friend, not fun at all. But stay strong and move on. As time goes by things will get better, stay busy and find new friends or new hobby. Whatever you can find (or always wanted to do...) It's the time now.

Don't take it on you. Doesn't mean it's your fault if she decide to leave... It doesn't make up a bad guy. All that matters for now is knowing your kids are proud of you and always know your there for them. They will understand that you need a bit od space to regroup...

Good luck!

 

[oldfast007]

Well tonight not so good, damn:spank: I had asked if there was glimmer of hope... she said its only been 8 days and her feelings have not changed at all. She apologized for giving me false hope and that she never wanted to hurt me but she has to be honest with me. o.k I do prefer honesty even though its a killer.
I don't see her even wanting to put down her wall even a little bit, I KNOW or is it I think I know??? she still loves me a little bit, but I think she feels too far gone to even try. Oh well....I still am committed to being the best father and the better person I have become!! A little seven & seven certainly helps me take the edge off though:thumbup:

Now I'm just whining so I'll stop, thanks for listening, and thank you ALL for the support!!

 

[Jman]

Well tonight not so good, damn:spank: I had asked if there was glimmer of hope... she said its only been 8 days and her feelings have not changed at all. She apologized for giving me false hope and that she never wanted to hurt me but she has to be honest with me. o.k I do prefer honesty even though its a killer.
I don't see her even wanting to put down her wall even a little bit, I KNOW or is it I think I know??? she still loves me a little bit, but I think she feels too far gone to even try. Oh well....I still am committed to being the best father and the better person I have become!! A little seven & seven certainly helps me take the edge off though:thumbup:

Now I'm just whining so I'll stop, thanks for listening, and thank you ALL for the support!!

Well, I was married for 5 years and with my first wife for a total of 8. Took me about 9 years to realise that we loved each other but were not compatible at all. It was not like we were unfaithful to each other or anything like that. She was the one who asked for a divorce. At the time it really hurt, but in the long run I saw the wisdom in it. Hang in there, sounds like you are at the bumpy part of this journey. On the other side of my bumpy ride I have now been married 8 years and together 9. Still going strong. There is hope my friend!

 

[lonesoldier84]

Dead on!! It is so hard for a control freak to let go, but I am and will continue to let go.....

You can't surrender yourself to the happenings of the world. You will drift and your ship will hit more rocks than it would otherwise. Anything can be rationalized by the human mind as beneficial or necessary, but the truth of the matter is this:

-something ****ty happened to you
-you are responsible for pulling yourself up and forcing yourself through to the next horizon
-we are all here to support you do that
-you will find a great happy place one day and when you do it will be because you took active steps to get there

What dreams have you put on hold for your family? What things have you had on the shelf as impractical and silly? What needs to be in place for you to feel "stabilized" again? How much of all this will happen if you sit in a field of daisies justifying and rationalizing your inaction?

Seize the day. You are the master of your fate and the commander of your destiny.

 

[Guitar Man]

My divorce was finalized early last year after being seperated for over a year before that. We were married for 18 1/2 yrs when the divorce was final. It was the worst kind of hurt I've ever felt, even more than family members dying. She wanted it not me. I also was a good husband, but that didn't seem to be good enough or something. I really did believe I married the love of my life and we were going to grow old together.

I look at it now as the worst thing to happen to me and now it's one of the best things that happened to me. Don't worry friend, these emotions won't last forever. I know it may be hard to believe that right now, but they won't.

 

[The Toecutter]

You can't surrender yourself to the happenings of the world. You will drift and your ship will hit more rocks than it would otherwise. Anything can be rationalized by the human mind as beneficial or necessary, but the truth of the matter is this:

-something ****ty happened to you
-you are responsible for pulling yourself up and forcing yourself through to the next horizon
-we are all here to support you do that
-you will find a great happy place one day and when you do it will be because you took active steps to get there

What dreams have you put on hold for your family? What things have you had on the shelf as impractical and silly? What needs to be in place for you to feel "stabilized" again? How much of all this will happen if you sit in a field of daisies justifying and rationalizing your inaction?

Seize the day. You are the master of your fate and the commander of your destiny.

You are trying to speek of things of which you have no understanding,trying to put a failed relationship back together is what i'm talking about,and nothing was mentioned of doing nothing....... let it go was was meant for the heartache,not his everyday doing's in life........ try and read and understand a post before you try and attack it next time.... I will tell you right now i drift along and wait for God to give me signs of direction,meanwhile I walk the line and obey his laws he gave us in writing about how to conduct our day to dqay lives,and I am a Good Man for it..... I surely did not start out that way...... I was one of the meanest heartless people to ever walk this earth,until I found God,and then the pain and suffering I endured from then on became life lessons in Love and Forgiveness of which before I had no understanding at all....... It aint about who is the smartest and wittiest its about who is the most emotionaly evolved,and wise enough to realize this world we live in was not by chance but by divine creation,and if you have a problem with that well show me how Cave Men built the Pyramids off the shore of Japan that are 80 feet under water,or the pyramids near Cuba nearly a half mile under the water..... did some Sea Monkeys build em? I am just saying Someone has been breeding Hominid's for thousands of years and we are the latest version....... and are completly different,a hybrid if you will... How did that happen? well get busy.... I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS FOR YOU.... :BLAA:

 

[Jman]

You are trying to speek of things of which you have no understanding,trying to put a failed relationship back together is what i'm talking about,and nothing was mentioned of doing nothing....... let it go was was meant for the heartache,not his everyday doing's in life........ try and read and understand a post before you try and attack it next time.... I will tell you right now i drift along and wait for God to give me signs of direction,meanwhile I walk the line and obey his laws he gave us in writing about how to conduct our day to dqay lives,and I am a Good Man for it..... I surely did not start out that way...... I was one of the meanest heartless people to ever walk this earth,until I found God,and then the pain and suffering I endured from then on became life lessons in Love and Forgiveness of which before I had no understanding at all....... It aint about who is the smartest and wittiest its about who is the most emotionaly evolved,and wise enough to realize this world we live in was not by chance but by divine creation,and if you have a problem with that well show me how Cave Men built the Pyramids off the shore of Japan that are 80 feet under water,or the pyramids near Cuba nearly a half mile under the water..... did some Sea Monkeys build em? I am just saying Someone has been breeding Hominid's for thousands of years and we are the latest version....... and are completly different,a hybrid if you will... How did that happen? well get busy.... I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS FOR YOU.... :BLAA:

In all honesty, I really don't believe it was Lonesoldier's intention to attack anything with his post. I see someone trying to offer support in a way of "cowboy up" or "keep a stiff upper lip" sort of spirit. It is awesome that you are ready to defend a perceived attack on someone, though!

 

[The Toecutter]

In all honesty, I really don't believe it was Lonesoldier's intention to attack anything with his post. I see someone trying to offer support in a way of "cowboy up" or "keep a stiff upper lip" sort of spirit. It is awesome that you are ready to defend a perceived attack on someone, though!

He had mis-unstood my post,about hand your problems over to God and get on with your life.... (emotional de-tachment if you will) let the pain transform you into a better person... figure out whats wrong with you and change it,this can't be done without letting go of Ego,and Pride,you must humble yourself.....

 

[oldfast007]

I totally agree with letting go and offering it up to GOD to transform me, which is what he is doing in me. I will admit it is a process indeed, I take no offense of others views saying go on and do what is needed and improve myself. I thank all for the different view points. I do now however totally see that GOD is in control and not me, that is very hard for a former control freak to accept.

 

[The Toecutter]

I totally agree with letting go and offering it up to GOD to transform me, which is what he is doing in me. I will admit it is a process indeed, I take no offense of others views saying go on and do what is needed and improve myself. I thank all for the different view points. I do now however totally see that GOD is in control and not me, that is very hard for a former control freak to accept.

My life is a giant steaming pile of Poo,and if it were'nt for my belief in God,i would have put and end to my miserable exsistance along time ago.... i live a never ending train wreck of a life...... if you have anymore problems arise more than likely i can tell you what not to do,because i have probaly been through it or am still goin through it.... but I just keep beleiving it's gonna work out someday... meanwhile I just keep putting one foot in front of the other,and turning these wrench' s.......

 

[lonesoldier84]

It saddens me but I have every expectation that you won't even bother to read most of what I've written below. Instead, you are going to read a handful of catch-phrases, get all worked up without having any idea what I'm really trying to say, and then go on a rant or be either dismissive or insulting, or some combination of the two. If I were to do this, oh the flames, oh the flames.

He had mis-unstood my

"Well, he isn't completely and wholeheartedly agreeing with me, so he must have mis-understood me."

That's a pretty open minded approach to have, wouldn't you say?

In all honesty, I really don't believe it was Lonesoldier's intention to attack anything with his post. I see someone trying to offer support in a way of "cowboy up" or "keep a stiff upper lip" sort of spirit. It is awesome that you are ready to defend a perceived attack on someone, though!

Thank you. What part of my post exactly was deemed to be an "attack"? This really pisses me off. Religion gets a free pass to piss on anything that is not a complete endorsement of itself. But offering a viewpoint with a desire to help that should in fact be just as if not potentially more beneficial in a polite and passive manner is an attack......really?

I'm not going to derail this thread so I will leave that at that and try to get it back on topic.

But this....I do need to address:

You are trying to speek of things of which you have no understanding,trying to put a failed relationship back together is what i'm talking about,and nothing was mentioned of doing nothing....... let it go was was meant for the heartache,not his everyday doing's in life........ try and read and understand a post before you try and attack it next time.... I will tell you right now i drift along and wait for God to give me signs of direction,meanwhile I walk the line and obey his laws he gave us in writing about how to conduct our day to dqay lives,and I am a Good Man for it..... I surely did not start out that way...... I was one of the meanest heartless people to ever walk this earth,until I found God,and then the pain and suffering I endured from then on became life lessons in Love and Forgiveness of which before I had no understanding at all....... It aint about who is the smartest and wittiest its about who is the most emotionaly evolved,and wise enough to realize this world we live in was not by chance but by divine creation,and if you have a problem with that well show me how Cave Men built the Pyramids off the shore of Japan that are 80 feet under water,or the pyramids near Cuba nearly a half mile under the water..... did some Sea Monkeys build em? I am just saying Someone has been breeding Hominid's for thousands of years and we are the latest version....... and are completly different,a hybrid if you will... How did that happen? well get busy.... I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS FOR YOU.... :BLAA:

Seriously, where the hell do you get off speaking down to me? You have NO idea what hurdles I have overcome in my life and am continuing to overcome. I can tell you this much, they are very complex and indeed soul-crushing. If I were to throw out some terms and labels they would be adjectives and nouns that carry with them a great deal of implied intensity. But I am not going to do that because I just have a habit of processing things internally and have never been able to have a real conversation about any of it. There might be a reason I drop tens of thousands of dollars a year of money I don't have chasing horizons I can't catch because it makes me feel better? You and I have a pretty similar outlook in this respect and I will remind you of the VERY promising PM exchange we had a while back. Am I trying to speak of things of which I have no understanding? Really? Are you an authority on human suffering because someone made you sad at some point in the recent past? Ok so you have other things that made your life terrible. So you have a monopoly on human suffering now? You can write a textbook guide for each person that is the authoritative textbook on any and all scenarios? Are your viewpoints the only ones that are valid because they are the only ones you CHOSE to employ? Surely because they worked for you, any framework that APPEARS different than yours is automatically incorrect [in spite of the fact that the vast majority of this differing framework is in many respects indistinguishable from yours]?

I will say this here. Anything has the power to crush anyone. For each individual persons, their struggles are their own and to them they are immensely significant. So it is not my intent to belittle anyone's personal experiences. They are for each of us what shapes us and makes us who we are. They are indeed significant and noteworthy. They are not, however, ammunition to belittle other people's viewpoints. If I have done so in my previous paragraph this was not my intent and it may come across that way because I am pissed off.

Lone2, maybe if you stopped making the assumption that your own personal INTERPRETATION of a series of universal truths is the ONLY interpretation, then maybe you would be able to stop hammering your keyboard for a minute and actually gain some form of additional and supplemental philosophical enlightment. These types of discussions often end up with parties with an open mind finding mutual enrichment. Instead you have contributed to the derailing of a VERY positive thread. You injected negativity into it. Why? I don't know. But you felt attacked by someone being polite and offering assistance in a polite manner. You felt your views being threatened and immediately launched a direct offensive. Would it not have been more productive to take a minute, maybe go out to the kitchen for a glass of lemonade, think and process what was said, and then come back and attempt to develop further the discussion we were having as a GROUP? Nope. Instead you smashed your keyboard in with your face. Lol. Come on guy.

Now, in the interest of returning this to a more positive light for the benefit of the original purpose of not only this thread, but everything I have already said and don't want to see slandered into submission:

I am seeing an attitude develop with respect to shirking responsibility for ones own fate and that is something I myself went through and found set me back considerably in my own personal progression. So I posted about it to further help the OP progress from his deeply felt and understandably devastating personal event. I saw a person I felt empathy for and wanted to do what I could to make him feel better both now with hope and down the line with genuine assistance regarding active life decisions.

I don't know his significant other, and I may be a bit quick to rush to judgement, but it strikes me that he may be better off building a new life based on the lessons he has learned here. The "pick yourself up by the bootstraps" will have a DIRECT affect on his dealings with his significant other because it will return him to a place of outstanding confidence and potentially remind her of the man she had initially married. I say this as a sweeping generalization, but an observation I have made is that men become complacent as they age. The elements of their personality which drew in their mate fade away slightly. A return to youthful exuberance and passionate outlays of action in any endeavor deemed productive does wonders. Not only does it remind the other person of exactly who you are, but it reminds YOU of who you are. Happiness and contentment come from within. Confidence, passion, and independence are what fertilize that seed though. And yes, you are both definitely correct, HUMILITY plays a massive and arguably one of the biggest roles there as well. Which is why I have not said otherwise.....I agree with that. But humility breeds inaction if not coupled with a fiery passion. This is where we differ in our idealogies. But I am making assumptions with respect to the personalities and personal histories of the OP and his people. And this may not be accurate. But an outright display of confidence and independence rather than yearning and pleading may be exactly what the OP needs right now.

I didn't want to be too aggressive with my language but this in particular set me off:

asked if there was glimmer of hope

Really? Why is it that you feel you need to come back on bended knee when you are not at fault? Return to a position of confidence, and you will see the tone of the conversations you have with her make a DRASTIC change. Best case scenario she re-evaluates her error in judgement, and worst case scenario you find someone else more capable of enriching your life because you have started the momentum by choosing to actively enrich your own life first.

That is just my practical advice spoken from brother to brother. I do not sugar coat it because I don't feel I have to. I have every faith you will read that as it was written....to be helpful and coming from a place of empathy and compassion. If I knew you better I would use more colourful language, but this is a family forum. Lol

Yearning to stitch together the shredded fabric of a former life, you may potentially miss out on so many AMAZING things that are in store for you. This is something only you can decide as only you know the people involved, but this is not a train of thought I wanted to see left unsaid.

So you will all have to forgive me if I am not going to coddle anyone. And this I must now say because it is directly relevant to everything said about it the past few pages. You may all be surprised to learn that I am in fact DEEPLY religious. However, I view each religion as a snapshot-in-time of our philisophical and spiritual development as a species. Each religious text is one more chapter outlining in depth the extent of spiritual insight each geographical and social division of our species had managed to compile at the time of publication. Viewing them in this light, you see nothing but common trends and quite often extremely similar viewpoints. When you remove the mythology behind religions that they are all tied up in, you find your life vastly more enriched and fulfilled. You explore with a newfound sense of wonder and love. You see barriers collapse and you find yourself more in tune with your fellow man. It is tough sometimes when you are belittled for your beliefs and you get angry, but you see through it and know that on the other side is just another man dealing with his life as best he knows how. You feel love and compassion, and forgive that person for their transgressions. I don't hold it against you Lone2. I am able to see why you have reacted in the manner you have and it doesn't come from a place of hate. It comes from a place of being very defensive about a set of beliefs that got you through your own stormy nights. But there is a brighter day ahead. But that only happens if we come together and realize there is more that unites us than divides us. In the grand scheme of things, most of human history is yet to be written. Why look backwards and stop our progression? Why entrench ourselves in rhetoric and mythology? Why divide ourselves along artifically imposed geographical and social lines?

Live, love, be free.

There is a depth of wonder, mystery, beauty and awe that exists in the universe that resists definition by any one religious text. However, taken as a whole and through the medium of open and mutually respectful discourse, we can develop further our understanding not only of one another, but shed insight into the nature of the very wonder, mystery, beauty, and awe that continues to elude us all. It is indeed possible to have a great understanding of these phenomena, and no one group can claim a monopoly on it. But yet, if you don't agree whole-heartedly and enthusiastically with whatever group the individual happened by pure chance to have been born into, then you are, for lack of a better word, an infidel. Oh, and that's even if you actually have shown that you agree with many of the sentiments but have disagreed with their employment and have politely offered an alternate viewpoint for the purpose of enriching a group discussion.

This is why I get upset sometimes. There is so much beauty in the world that is ENRICHED when we come together to experience it, but instead we get hammered back into our little holes. And sitting in our little holes, we stagnate as a species and fail to uncover [or rather delay the discovery] of newly found depths of enrichment and happiness.

Well:

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
-Howard Beale [Network, 1974]