Tough day!

[jsteinb95]

I've been crying all freaking day!!! Some days I'm okay and then there are days like today.

I miss my brother so much! I had a dream about him last week. We were in a room that was white....not just white, but really bright white....there were really no walls, the "floor" was bright white. I saw my brother sitting there (not really sitting on a chair or the floor) and he was just smiling....he never said a word....and he had this yellow glow around his whole body. I was so excited and thought OMG, that was all just a really bad nightmare!!! He's alive!!! I hugged him and didn't want to let go. I turned around and saw his casket and then I was really confused.....starting crying and hugged him again.....and then I woke up.

This just hurts so bad! I never thought I could have so much pain in my heart.

Just wanted to vent and share my dream.....wish it was real.

 

[CHEMIKER]

Damn J, that's tough. I don't know what it's like, but losing Craig sounds like it's just really hard on you. Focus on what it felt like to see him living again. That must have been amazing. At least you have that.

 

[lonesoldier84]

everyone deals with loved ones passing in different ways. in your case maybe you had it bottled up for a while and its coming out a little at a time when your body and brain feel its safe.

ive dealt with losing those very dear to me by understanding that i have no claim to them. they are not mine, nor were they ever "mine". I was fortunate enough to have shared their company for what time I did. Now that they are gone I think of them as I would any stranger that I do not have any link to. I know that sounds cold and callous....but that's how I've found I've dealt with it. Maybe Ive moved on, maybe I havent. All I know is that attitude has helped me in stopping thinking about it.

The person I lost was murdered in a very needlessly painful and gruesome manner. Was the person I was closest to in the whole world.

The only time I feel stormy emotions when I think about it all now is when I think that person was somehow "mine" and that they were stolen. I find that attitude stirs up the most pain even now quite a few years on.

We live lives that are the equivalent of a laser's edge along a path millions of miles long......it's all so tiny and insignificant. The only thing that matters is today, and whoever you have now.

Those that are gone are not yours anymore. Hanging on and clutching on do nothing but stir up pain for you and some say tug at the souls of the deceased thereby preventing them from being free. Personally, I think nobody can comment as to the last bit there and its accuracy. But the point still stands. Bury the past deep, forget about it, leave it behind and move on. Live in the today, in the now. Works for me.

Dealing with death is different for everybody. Understanding different people's methods can sometimes help with your own. Never know.

Take care of yourself. Nobody else can.

 

[wrightme43]

My heart goes out to you Janette. Thats all I know to say.

Lone thanks man.

 

[oogie]

Wish there were adequate words of solace that would make the pain easier to bear,or by sharing we could each take some of the hurt for you, So sorry for your loss.

 

[FZ1inNH]

J, I think that was his way of telling you he is safe with God. It sounds like he wants you to be rest assured that he is ok in Heaven.

My heart goes out to you.

 

[Motogiro]

Be glad that you have that love in your heart. It's funny but that is the best part of us and also the most painful. Don't give up that love! You don't have to live there but I think your experience is awesome. Embrace him and the experience. Be thankful for it. Move ahead to the next part...

Cliff

 

[jtarkany]

Sorry, said a prayer for you and your family.

 

[vdbergj1]

Oh Jsteinb, this is sooooo hard. I don't know if this was your first dream with your brother but it is VERY special. In the seven years since my wife Adéle past away it happened only twice - in the first year. What was different with my experience was that I could touch her, just a hug, but it was a touch - and we talked. My Farther past away 30 years ago an my Mom never dreamt of them touching - he was always in a distance.

I can go one for hours. I've read many books about 'going over', the pain, different religion aspects on the afterlife and I still got stuck with extended grief turned into depression - for years. It was only when I met Erika that we together start working consciously on ways to down the pain and up the lovely good memories. She lost her longtime boyfriend in a car accident and we met because of our grieving. (and got married in December last year)

Everybody deal with their grief on a different way. Okay you know/heard that but: In what lonesoldier said is so true. His method might not work exactly for you but one thing is true, you have to consciously decide to work on your grieving - to make it better. Start thinking different. We have to work on our earthly relationships to make it work. We have to work on our heavenly relationships to make it work as well. Extended grief sucks.

Thinking of you and said a prayer for you both.
PS: Does a caterpillar dies when it turns into a butterfly...
(I hope my babbling helps and comes across as I've tried to get it out of my mind onto the keyboard)

 

[n1one]

J,
It must be incredibily hard to lose your brother, my heart goes out to you. I lost one of my best friends last year to Cancer, he was 39 years old and way to young to die.

I think of Tom everyday and have had dreams of us playing with my (2) boys, they loved when Tom came over to hang out, he was a fun person to be around.

He still rides with me every day:
View attachment 19774
View attachment 19775

Remember, Sometimes God breaks our hearts, because he only takes the BEST!

Take Care.

 

[Ghost Weim]

J, I think that was his way of telling you he is safe with God. It sounds like he wants you to be rest assured that he is ok in Heaven.

My heart goes out to you.

I agree. I would look at it as a sign that he wants to let you know all is ok.

Take care!

 

[madmanmaigret]

J, keep your head up and honor his memory. (you would know better than me) but I bet that is what he would want you to do.

I can't say I can relate, as this is not something I have experienced but however you need to deal with it do it.

Hopefully today and tomorrow will be better! :thumbup:

 

[vdbergj1]

Thinking of you. Hope you feel better.:hug: