Horrible jokes.

[Cloggy]

Even the paramedic who was unable to resuscitate Whitney couldn't avoid the odd gag.
He radioed dispatch and said "Its Houston, we have a problem"

:spank:

 

[faseljd]

what was Whitney's biggest hit? Her last one. what is the difference between Whitney Houston and my motorcycle? My motorcycle can make it to 50. Autopsy reveals why she was so skinny. She was on the diet Coke. What is the difference between Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston ? About 204 days. How ironic that a woman who hasn't been clean for years dies in a bath. What is the difference between a Diva and a Diver? A Diva cannot breathe underwater.

 

[motojoe122]

What :don'tknow:, too soon?

 

[faseljd]

Not !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[FinalImpact]

Air conditioning commercial. . . .

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z2zGHAx-rE]Cold Nipples - Brazilian Toyota Commercial - YouTube[/ame]

 

[FinalImpact]

When will this kid grow up?

The Sunday School teacher asked her class, “Which part of the body gets to heaven first?” Little Suzi quickly raised her hand. “I think it’s your mind, teacher, because you have to have a mind to believe in God.” “Very good, Suzi.” Little Cathy’s hand went up. “I think it’s your heart, teacher, because God is all about love.” “Very good, Cathy.” Little Johnnie’s hand shot up. She thought, “Oh, no,” but called on him anyway. Little Johnnie said, “I think it’s your feet.” The teacher breathed a sigh of relief. “Why do you think people’s feet get to Heaven first, Johnny?” she asked. “Because last night, when I sneaked past my parents bedroom, my mom had her feet way up in the air and she was yelling, ‘Oh, God! I’m coming!’”

 

[FinalImpact]

Billy Bob and Jimmy Ray were on their lunch break from their job in the saw mill in East Texas one day when Billy Bob said, "Jimmy Ray, we gotta get better jobs. We can't work in a saw mill all our lives."

"How are we gonna find better jobs?"

Billy Bob said, " we need to get ourselves college degrees! Jimmy Ray, we're goin' ta college!"

So the next day they called in sick and drove down to College Station, where they each met an admissions counselor at Texas A&M University.

Billy Bob was sitting in the office with his counselor, who told him, "Well, son, I think you should start out taking courses in science, history, and logic."

"Logic?" Billy Bob asked, "what the hell's that?"

"Well I'll demonstrate," said the counselor. "Do you own a weed eater?"

"A weed eater? Yeah."

"Well, from the fact that you own a weed eater, I can assume that you have a yard."

"That's right."

"And from the fact that you have a yard, I assume that you own a house."

"Yeah, I do."

"From the fact you own a house, I presume that you have a wife."

"Betty Sue, that's right!"

"And from the fact that you have a wife, I can conclude that you're heterosexual."

"Wow!" said Billy Bob. "That's amazin'! I'm comin' to this school!"

Billy Bob stepped outside and ran into Jimmy Ray. "So what courses are you takin'?" Jimmy Ray asked.

Billy Bob said, "I'm takin' science, and history, and logic!"

"Logic?" Jimmy Ray asked. "What the hell's that?"

"I'll show you," said Billy Bob. "Do you own a weed eater?"

"No," said Jimmy Ray.

"You're queer, aintcha?"

 

[FinalImpact]

A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.
One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but explains that she needs to meet certain criteria biker requirements in order to join the club. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there," and pointed to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little Old lady replies, "Yep, drink like a fish...beer mostly, whiskey when I'm shooting pool. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table."
The biker is surprised but then asks, "Do you smoke?"
"Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and cigars when I'm drinking whiskey and shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz...?
The Little Old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times..." :spank:

 

[FinalImpact]

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

“DEAR FRIENDS,
WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED.

THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK.

BUT BY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL THE SON OF A BITCH WHO PUT NOVACAIN IN THE VASELINE!”

 

[GTPAddict]

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his Yamaha for his Saturday ride.

His wife was standing at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit riding so much golf. Maybe you should sell your motorcycle and stop hanging around all your FZ6 friends.

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.

"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

I wasn't