cops.....with a sense of humor!

[lytehouse]

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '

8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS....

1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

 

[fast blue one]

And now for a traffic cop joke.

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!
Glasgow cop says,Licence and registration, please.
London Lawyer says, What for?
Glasgow cop says, Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.
London Lawyer says, I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Glasgow cop says Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration please.
London Lawyer says, What's the difference?
Glasgow cop says, The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop that's the law, Licence and registration, please!
London Lawyer says, If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.
Glasgow cop says, Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the f*ck out of the lawyer and says Dae ye want me to stop or just slow doon?'

 

[lonesoldier84]

6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

I KNEW it!!!!

 

[b.oryan]

I wonder if theres any cops on this forum..

But my favorite one was #1 quote.

 

[Botch]

But my favorite one was #1 quote.

Mine too, that was priceless!!

 

[Red Wazp]

#14 seems to get the point across nicely.

 

[fast blue one]

I actually had a neighbour who was a traffic cop and he admitted to playing car snooker whereby the got points for the colour of cars they pulled, red= 1 yellow+ 2 etc.

 

[sempul]

i have personally used numbers 15,13,12,4,3,2 and will for sure use numbers 9,8,6, and 1 as soon as i can lol.

 

[sempul]

me and another cop once got into a "ticket war" where we saw who could stop and write the most people in 12 hours. they all had to be legit tickets. no BS tickets like no turn signal or no brake lights and crap like that. at the end of the day there was 27 tickets. i lost by 1

 

[lytehouse]

me and another cop once got into a "ticket war" where we saw who could stop and write the most people in 12 hours. they all had to be legit tickets. no BS tickets like no turn signal or no brake lights and crap like that. at the end of the day there was 27 tickets. i lost by 1

:spank: :spank: :spank:






just kidding with ya! glad I could provide you with some witty comments next time you pull someone over!