To the citizens of the United States of America

[cowboytk]

this is a great thread yall..funny as hell..esp since we are the ones hated by the rest of the world...(uk and usa) cuz we rule ****..

 

[Kazza]

Hey Peeps don't just pick on the English! Great Britain also has Scottish, welsh and Northern Irish people too
:BLAA:

But the Welsh, Irish and Scots don't like the English either :BLAA:

LOL :rof:


Remember it was the ENGLISH that fought wars with the Welsh, Irish and Scottish. We didn't invade their land

I'm not a bitter Welsh gal, I'M NOT

 

[sniff6]

But the Welsh, Irish and Scots don't like the English either :BLAA:

LOL :rof:

Remember it was the ENGLISH that fought wars with the Welsh, Irish and Scottish. We didn't invade their land

I'm not a bitter Welsh gal, I'M NOT

Right young lady, have you ever heard of Owain Glyndŵr??? He instigated an ultimately unsuccessful but long-running revolt against the English rule of Wales. I think this was around 1400.He invaded England and only got as far as worcester . Even the scots had a go with william wallis (Think Brave heart).

But as usual we english whooped their ass

 

[radexS1]

hey at least the welsh managed to hold onto their language. :thumbup:

i'm not a history buff but i think imperialist invasions often end up with the eradication of languages, religions, and other things of cultural significance.
Not to mention people, governments, and the pain and suffering, and all that other fun stuff lol.

yeah imperialists are a$$hole$.

 

[Pauly_V]

Pretty good stuff. In my earlier years I'd hop the ferry and give you a proper beat down, but that's just sooooo 1776... dontcha' think?

 

[Kazza]

Right young lady, have you ever heard of Owain Glyndŵr??? He instigated an ultimately unsuccessful but long-running revolt against the English rule of Wales. I think this was around 1400.He invaded England and only got as far as worcester . Even the scots had a go with william wallis (Think Brave heart).

But as usual we english whooped their ass

Coz you always play dirty


CYMRU AM BYTH

 

[Adirondack Jack]

Right young lady, have you ever heard of Owain Glyndŵr??? He instigated an ultimately unsuccessful but long-running revolt against the English rule of Wales. I think this was around 1400.He invaded England and only got as far as worcester . Even the scots had a go with william wallis (Think Brave heart).

But as usual we english whooped their ass

As USUAL??? Sarcasm, right?

 

[Kazza]

As USUAL??? Sarcasm, right?

:rof:




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[The Toecutter]

To the citizens of the United States of America from
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' with out skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen.

Well i'm Iirish and i'm from Louisiana.....so now thats out of the way.....I drink my tea on ice from a Mason jar spiked with Southern Comfort,my bisquits are covered in gravy made with rabbit meat,I roll my ciggarettes with my left hand,i an build a motorcycle from spare parts,and put a 30 ot 6 round through a squirl's bu#thole at a 300 yards,and i'm considered one of the normal one's here in the southern U.S. so add that into your delusion of America ain't what she used to be...... to sum it all up if anybody ever tried to invade the U.S. the battle would be over before our armed forced got there,all they would see would be a pile of enemy soilders next to a pile of beer can's and empty shot gun shells.... :rockon:

 

[Motogiro]

Well i'm Iirish and i'm from Louisiana.....so now thats out of the way.....I drink my tea on ice from a Mason jar spiked with Southern Comfort,my bisquits are covered in gravy made with rabbit meat,I roll my ciggarettes with my left hand,i an build a motorcycle from spare parts,and put a 30 ot 6 round through a squirl's bu#thole at a 300 yards,and i'm considered one of the normal one's here in the southern U.S. so add that into your delusion of America ain't what she used to be...... to sum it all up if anybody ever tried to invade the U.S. the battle would be over before our armed forced got there,all they would see would be a pile of enemy soilders next to a pile of beer can's and empty shot gun shells.... :rockon:

Hahahaha! ROFLMAO I was wondirin when you'd show up! Hahaha! :rof::rof::rof:

Those poor squirrels!

 

[Adirondack Jack]

Shreve will tell you this is what we do after a hurricane. Can you imagine if we really got fired up?

 

[sniff6]

Shreve will tell you this is what we do after a hurricane. Can you imagine if we really got fired up?

I know what you are saying.But even the looters had guns!!! I once saw a documentry on The American gun culture.One guy even had a quad 20mm german AA .Just crazy!!!Dont think that there is not gun crime in the uk because there is is.

Then i found this ....

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMVtPisR_X0"]YouTube - Twin German MG42 shooting[/ame]

 

[Motogiro]

I know what you are saying.But even the looters had guns!!! I once saw a documentry on The American gun culture.One guy even had a quad 20mm german AA .Just crazy!!!Dont think that there is not gun crime in the uk because there is is.

I have to admit that we are a gun crazy culture. We're also pretty much an instant gratification society.

My wife has one of these in the kitchen. It helps her get the potatoes to the plate quickly, already cooked and offers us home protection....perfect for our gun crazy instant gratifications

Just remember, If you have small potatoes turn em sideways!

YouTube - Spud Gun How-To!

 

[Nelly]

We have a problem with pommies down under too. I mean, we've a convict history thanks to the English


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Well said that Welsh woman.

 

[Wolfman]

If anyone ever invaded Australia, i think we would just offer them a beer, a seat, and tell em to shut up, and watch the cricket like the rest of us...

If things went further than that, we would chuck em the keys to the Kingswood, and tell em to go get more Beer...

:BLAA:

 

[Kazza]

Like what he said ^^^^^^

Plus a few snags on the barbie :rockon:, all while watching the Aussies thrash the pommies in the Ashes


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[grommit]

Like what he said ^^^^^^

Plus a few snags on the barbie :rockon:, all while watching the Aussies thrash the pommies in the Ashes


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:iconbeer::iconbeer::iconbeer:


Come on England!!

 

[Nelly]

:iconbeer::iconbeer::iconbeer:
Come on England!!

Like what he said ^^^^^^

Plus a few snags on the barbie :rockon:, all while watching the Aussies thrash the pommies in the Ashes


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BTW Simon Jones was instrumental in that great 2005 win.



LOL Please don't hijack this thread........

ASHES Done deal, nuff said.
Nelly

 

[Kazza]

BTW Simon Jones was instrumental in that great 2005 win.



LOL Please don't hijack this thread........

ASHES Done deal, nuff said.
Nelly

You know what really gets my goat?

It's called the England and Wales Cricket Board, and yet the team is called


ENGLAND :rant:

 

[Fred]

I would just like to point out that Americans do speak proper English, at least moreso than the British do. It's you Brits that have deliberately altered your pronunciation over the last several hundred years.

Nick Patrick - Did Americans in 1776 have British accents?

In other words, you talk funny.