Thanks. Wish me luck.
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Relationship advice sought
- Thread starter KensFz6
- Start date
Dunno
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You really want advice?
Print out what you just posted & ask her to proof read it as you want to send it off to men's health magazine.
When she reads it, she will answer all of your questions.
Scenario.
What if you end up together? 2 years time she finds out you posted this & reads it. You think that will go down well?
Be honest & up front from the start :thumbup:
Print out what you just posted & ask her to proof read it as you want to send it off to men's health magazine.
When she reads it, she will answer all of your questions.
Scenario.
What if you end up together? 2 years time she finds out you posted this & reads it. You think that will go down well?
Be honest & up front from the start :thumbup:
GConn
Squid hater
This is a difficult one, but I will try to keep my post simple. Things we experience seem to have HUGE complex little issues in it, when usually it's just really simple.
Explaining: I do believe that deep inside, every person knows what he/she wants from a relationship, every person knows where it will PROBABLY end.
P.S. Being honest in a relationship may end up being painful, but it will be more painful (for at least one of you two) at a later stage if you decide to say something that's not true. Just my opinion. Doesn't help much, but that's how I see things lately
Explaining: I do believe that deep inside, every person knows what he/she wants from a relationship, every person knows where it will PROBABLY end.
P.S. Being honest in a relationship may end up being painful, but it will be more painful (for at least one of you two) at a later stage if you decide to say something that's not true. Just my opinion. Doesn't help much, but that's how I see things lately
Wh0M3
Junior Member
I have a couple of thoughts to throw in here.
I know most guys think that when they come into a relationship that has kids involved they think they need to be a father figure to them. I believe that your job isn't to be the replacement for their dad. I don't know if women go out 'searching' for a man to be that replacement either. This would be something you may want to talk about further with your girlfriend. I have seen guys who come into a relationship and try to take over as the dad and it can come off in a few different ways. Either they are control freaks who try to be overbearing and 'help' with discipline or they are stand off-ish and don't want to commit to anything where the kid is involved.
On the other hand you need to be a part of the kids life too. Dating someone who has kids is a package deal. Their life revolves around their kids and you will have to allow for that as well. Another thing is you need to have the daughter/son approve of you as well. This may sound off but they have gotten used to their mother being alone or only having been with their dad and someone new coming in they need to know that they are accepted and part of the dating process.
I know most of this may deal with younger kids where older kids are more independant, but they still need to know they are involved with everything. I know someone very close to me who was widowed and got remarried. The kids never accepted the marrage and don't talk anymore. The sad part about this story is the 'kids' are between 30 and 50.
My other opinion would be for you to be honest with yourself about the relationship. I had a wise man once tell me; "People would avoid a lot of heart ache if they only dated people they were willing to marry." To me it is direct and to the point. I know not everyone is ready for marrage or thinks about it when they are dating but you may want to look at your own reasons for going out. If your in it for the fun of just being with someone I can understand that, but then you know your not ready for the next step. You will be able to tell her that you just want to take your time and not rush into anything. I'm sure she would understand, if not then maybe it would be for the best.
I second the suggestion to be honest with everything. Mostly because building a relationship on lies won't help anyone. In saying that I know for myself knowing what my emotions are is hard to do. I can think logically of what I want but when I try to explore my feelings I come up with so much garbled cross signals that I don't know how to explain them. It may be a guy thing, it may be just something with me. Following your heart can be a painful path, but in the end you can say you have no regrets.
I know most guys think that when they come into a relationship that has kids involved they think they need to be a father figure to them. I believe that your job isn't to be the replacement for their dad. I don't know if women go out 'searching' for a man to be that replacement either. This would be something you may want to talk about further with your girlfriend. I have seen guys who come into a relationship and try to take over as the dad and it can come off in a few different ways. Either they are control freaks who try to be overbearing and 'help' with discipline or they are stand off-ish and don't want to commit to anything where the kid is involved.
On the other hand you need to be a part of the kids life too. Dating someone who has kids is a package deal. Their life revolves around their kids and you will have to allow for that as well. Another thing is you need to have the daughter/son approve of you as well. This may sound off but they have gotten used to their mother being alone or only having been with their dad and someone new coming in they need to know that they are accepted and part of the dating process.
I know most of this may deal with younger kids where older kids are more independant, but they still need to know they are involved with everything. I know someone very close to me who was widowed and got remarried. The kids never accepted the marrage and don't talk anymore. The sad part about this story is the 'kids' are between 30 and 50.
My other opinion would be for you to be honest with yourself about the relationship. I had a wise man once tell me; "People would avoid a lot of heart ache if they only dated people they were willing to marry." To me it is direct and to the point. I know not everyone is ready for marrage or thinks about it when they are dating but you may want to look at your own reasons for going out. If your in it for the fun of just being with someone I can understand that, but then you know your not ready for the next step. You will be able to tell her that you just want to take your time and not rush into anything. I'm sure she would understand, if not then maybe it would be for the best.
I second the suggestion to be honest with everything. Mostly because building a relationship on lies won't help anyone. In saying that I know for myself knowing what my emotions are is hard to do. I can think logically of what I want but when I try to explore my feelings I come up with so much garbled cross signals that I don't know how to explain them. It may be a guy thing, it may be just something with me. Following your heart can be a painful path, but in the end you can say you have no regrets.
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WTF? I'm too late - you've deleted your post :spank: and I could have given you a womans perspective..... LOL
