W
wrightme43
Copied and pasted. This is rockin funny to me.
Just got back from seeing Han**** with my daughter and wife. Generally we stay away from going to the movies in the evening (especially Friday and Saturday nights) because of the hordes of teenagers who fill the seats. Tonight was an exception for us, but we pretty much got what we expected.
I would say the theater was split pretty evenly down the middle between the 13-21 and the 21+ crowd. More families than you usually see at an evening showing. As soon as the lights went down, the theater began to glow with the lights of RAZRS, Pearls, and iphones, and the older half of the theater sent up a collective grown. Thankfully only a dozen phones flickered on and off for the first hour of the film, but one phone stayed on consistently.
She was a few rows in front of us, and couldn't have been older than 16. Her boyfriend was probably a year or two older, but dressed much younger. He had a hat three times too big for his head, and two polo shirts with the collars turned up. Whether he bought the new iphone for her, or she did, it was apparent that she was pretty amazed with it. So much so that she played with it, surfed the internet on it, and sent text through the entire movie. When someone would make a comment, she'd simply push it further into her lap, but the brightness of the screen lit up the area around her like a flashlight.
There was a man with his family seated in the row behind her. He was a short balding man with glasses. His wife was a very large woman not just a hambeast mind you but a beast who is a connoisseur of every meat imaginable...at once. He also had two little boys with him, probably between 7-10. I'm not going to make assumptions about the man, but if I did I'd say he worked a thankless job that paid very little, I'm sure he values his time with his family and going to the movies is probably a rare treat since money could be an issue. I could tell the light of the phone troubled him deeply, and at one point he rose up out of his seat and left the theater. Moments later a young man with a mohawk and a bowtie, a theater employee no doubt, came into the theater and stared un-menacingly into the first few rows (a few rows short of our iphone princess). Almost caught, she flipped the iphone over into her lap, and waited until he left.
As soon as the tips of the mohawk could be seen escaping into the stairwell, we were all once again basked in the glorious light of the new iphone. The man with the glasses had enough of it. He stood up intently from his seat, took a few steps down the aisle, leaned in behind the girl and ZOINK!
As the iphone sailed through the air towards the wall it lite up the area above our heads like a plane careening out of control. It bounced off the wall, and hit the ground with a few clunks, and appeared to be ok. Our man in the glasses was fast though, seconds after the ill-fated phone hit the floor he was stomping on it like it was on fire. It crunched and crackled beneath his feet. Han**** was not strong enough to demand the attention of the audience, we were now focused solely on our new hero.
The girlls shriek filled our ears, as she began to scream "what have you done?!?" while running towards the man. Her boyfriend got to him first though and in an instant shoved him against the wall. Selfishly I was hoping for a fight, but I got something much cooler instead. A large hulking shadow rose up behind the kid, and launched him head first into the staircase. The thud of his head was louder than the sound of a refrigerator being thrown through a house on screen. He laid motionless for a moment and began to whimper.
The two little boys got up and joined their parents at the side of the theater, and they all left together. The girl, still screaming, ran over to check on her wounded love. As she collected the pieces of her iphone off the floor and her white knight still laid groaning on the floor. Half of the theater erupted in thunderous applause, and the other half remained silence. The boy crawled out of the theater, but not before kindly telling everyone to **** themselves.
Not a cell phone light was to be seen for the remainder of the film. The only thing that would serve as a reminder to all of what just took place was an erie silence that would prove to be deafening even over Will Smith's eventual claims of "Aw hell nah".
Tales of you or someone else losing their cool go here.
Just got back from seeing Han**** with my daughter and wife. Generally we stay away from going to the movies in the evening (especially Friday and Saturday nights) because of the hordes of teenagers who fill the seats. Tonight was an exception for us, but we pretty much got what we expected.
I would say the theater was split pretty evenly down the middle between the 13-21 and the 21+ crowd. More families than you usually see at an evening showing. As soon as the lights went down, the theater began to glow with the lights of RAZRS, Pearls, and iphones, and the older half of the theater sent up a collective grown. Thankfully only a dozen phones flickered on and off for the first hour of the film, but one phone stayed on consistently.
She was a few rows in front of us, and couldn't have been older than 16. Her boyfriend was probably a year or two older, but dressed much younger. He had a hat three times too big for his head, and two polo shirts with the collars turned up. Whether he bought the new iphone for her, or she did, it was apparent that she was pretty amazed with it. So much so that she played with it, surfed the internet on it, and sent text through the entire movie. When someone would make a comment, she'd simply push it further into her lap, but the brightness of the screen lit up the area around her like a flashlight.
There was a man with his family seated in the row behind her. He was a short balding man with glasses. His wife was a very large woman not just a hambeast mind you but a beast who is a connoisseur of every meat imaginable...at once. He also had two little boys with him, probably between 7-10. I'm not going to make assumptions about the man, but if I did I'd say he worked a thankless job that paid very little, I'm sure he values his time with his family and going to the movies is probably a rare treat since money could be an issue. I could tell the light of the phone troubled him deeply, and at one point he rose up out of his seat and left the theater. Moments later a young man with a mohawk and a bowtie, a theater employee no doubt, came into the theater and stared un-menacingly into the first few rows (a few rows short of our iphone princess). Almost caught, she flipped the iphone over into her lap, and waited until he left.
As soon as the tips of the mohawk could be seen escaping into the stairwell, we were all once again basked in the glorious light of the new iphone. The man with the glasses had enough of it. He stood up intently from his seat, took a few steps down the aisle, leaned in behind the girl and ZOINK!
As the iphone sailed through the air towards the wall it lite up the area above our heads like a plane careening out of control. It bounced off the wall, and hit the ground with a few clunks, and appeared to be ok. Our man in the glasses was fast though, seconds after the ill-fated phone hit the floor he was stomping on it like it was on fire. It crunched and crackled beneath his feet. Han**** was not strong enough to demand the attention of the audience, we were now focused solely on our new hero.
The girlls shriek filled our ears, as she began to scream "what have you done?!?" while running towards the man. Her boyfriend got to him first though and in an instant shoved him against the wall. Selfishly I was hoping for a fight, but I got something much cooler instead. A large hulking shadow rose up behind the kid, and launched him head first into the staircase. The thud of his head was louder than the sound of a refrigerator being thrown through a house on screen. He laid motionless for a moment and began to whimper.
The two little boys got up and joined their parents at the side of the theater, and they all left together. The girl, still screaming, ran over to check on her wounded love. As she collected the pieces of her iphone off the floor and her white knight still laid groaning on the floor. Half of the theater erupted in thunderous applause, and the other half remained silence. The boy crawled out of the theater, but not before kindly telling everyone to **** themselves.
Not a cell phone light was to be seen for the remainder of the film. The only thing that would serve as a reminder to all of what just took place was an erie silence that would prove to be deafening even over Will Smith's eventual claims of "Aw hell nah".
Tales of you or someone else losing their cool go here.
