~~Daily Feed, post what made you laugh today ~~

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7z5lo9TFDA&NR=1]25 of the Greatest Insults in UFC History - YouTube[/ame]

"got milk bitch" Rampage

"If I were you I'd smoke weed and look through a microscope." Joe Rogan
 
A couple of cat jokes:

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FinalImpact said:
On July 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed
Click to expand...

Oww, it hurts, I can't stop laughing. LOL ROFLMAO
 
You have to give it a second but well worth the 0:36 seconds of your life.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awf45u6zrP0]Cat Jump Fail with Music: Sail by AWOLNATION - YouTube[/ame]
 
Longest Nerve In The Body
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that
connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving
people a ****ty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your arse and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes. :eek:
 
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Flz2McHTRqc]FISH GEYSER - Catching Bait Fish Like a Boss - YouTube[/ame]

Here's a old one (but still good one)

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.

Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
 
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sniff6 said:
Longest Nerve In The Body
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that
connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving
people a ****ty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your arse and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes. :eek:
Click to expand...

Coach: Hey ref you ever think about getting a stomach window installed?
Ref: A stomach window? What's that for?
Coach: Obviously your head is so far up your ass because you can't even see ****, it might help you do your job.
 
A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting for her flight to chicago .

She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, 'i'll

give it a try and see what it tells me..'

she went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in, out came a card that read, 'you are a nun, you

weigh 128 lbs, and you are going to chicago.'

the nun sat back down.
She told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone.
The more she thought about it the more curious she got so she decided to try it again, she went back to the machine and

again put her nickel in, and out came a card that read:

'you are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you are going to chicago and you are going to play a fiddle.'

the nun says to herself, 'i know that is wrong, i have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.' she sat back

down.

From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case on the seat between them.

Without thinking, she opened the cowboy's case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music. Surprised at

what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking,
'this is incredible, i've got to try this again.'

back to the machine she went, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read, 'you are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs ,

you are going to chicago and you are going to break wind.' now she knows the machine is wrong ,as she thought to

herself, 'i've never broken wind in public a single time in my life.' but getting down off the machine she slipped,and as she

was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, 'this is truly remarkable. I've got to

try this again.' she went back to the machine, put in another nickel and another card came out.

It read, 'you are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to chicago'.
 
An old indian chief wanders in to town and goes to the saloon. Soon after getting there one of the girls starts screaming and the bartender comes out from behind the bar and finds the old chief pawing at one of the working girls. The bartender explains to the chief he's obviously not been with a woman so long and he must of course pay before he has a go at the woment. The chief says ok, what must I do. The bartender on a lark says, bring me all your shiny stuff and I'll think about it. The bartender thought he'd never see the ol' chief again. Well about a week later the chief comes back into town and he has a mule behind him that is just loadied down with pots, pans, candleabras, even a silver bar. The value of the stuff was astronomical for the time and the chief ask, "is this what you ask for?" The bartender agrees but he still doesn't want the ol'chief to have a go at one of his girls because he may be a savage. The chief was all dirty from the road, so the bartender asked he'd let the girls bath him and trim his hair thinking for sure the chief would not honor the request because of his traditions. The chief at first hesitated because his hair had never been cut before, at last he finally consented. But he said to the bartender, this must be your last request as I've done every thing you ask. The bartender not wanting to give in just yet, said very cooly, "ol' chief you see that tree over there, it surely must have been a long time since you have lay with a woman, you don't want to have your first time to be too quick." The chief pondered what was said for a minute, and at last nods his head. The bartender says, "well chief it should be about one maybe two weeks of practice and you will be ready." The chief nods his head silently again.

Sure enough over the next week and the next the bartender would come out once a day and see the chief at the tree. The bartender would wince in disbelief that the chief was going through with such a crazy request. Finally, after the 2 weeks the chief comes into the saloon again. He says immediately to the bartender, "I've given you my shiny things, I've given you my hair and tradition, I've given you my dignity by ****ing that knot in the tree for one week, NOW YOU GIVE ME A WOMAN." The bartender knew he had to, out of respect, out of shame, out of just honoring his end of the deal. Bartender says, "Alright chief, pick a lady and you have the afternoon." The chief looks over the girls and settle on a beautiful brunette, somewhat petite, unlike the robust women of the south where they lived. The bartender did not get it, but after a brief moment consented and lead the chief and his woman to a room upstairs. He closed the door and no sooner had he hit the end of the hall about to turn down the stairs did he hear a screm. The bartender was mad as hell storming down the hall as the screaming got louder. He throws open the door and there is the girl laying on her back and the chief above her with a stick inside her pussy. The Bartender yells, "Chief what in gods name are you doing." Chief replies, "Checking for bees."
 
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