Joke

[Mattberkshire]

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.


As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember.

My kids came bounding downstairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said: "Good Morning Boss, and by the way happy birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said: "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said: "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.

She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.



On the way back to the office, Jane said: "You know, It's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"

advertisementI responded: "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said: "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said: "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok," I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the sofa...

Naked.

 

[wrightme43]

LOL thats funny. What else could you do?

 

[bikerider]

thats Funny.

 

[Cloggy]

That tickled me no end

 

[mikebike]

old joke.....still very funny

 

[Botch]

Another:

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving
at
him.



She says "Hello". He's rather taken aback because he can' t place
where
he knows her from.



So he says, " Do you know me?" To which she replies, I think you're
the
father of one of

my kids."



Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and

says,



"My God are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love
to
on the pool

table with all my buddies watching while your partner wiped my butt
with wet celery????"



She looks into his eyes and says calmly,



"No , I'm your son's teacher."

 

[Balberts]

How do you WIPE a butt with celery... That was funnier than the joke!!!

 

[Nelly]

Festive Joke

An Englishman an Irishman and a welshman all die on Xmas eve.
Whilst waiting at the purley gates God himself greets them. God says bad luck lads for dying tonight. I'll forgive all your sins and let you in if you can prove your worth by demonstrating your faith.

The Englishman, quickly pulls out his lighter and holds it aloft in the air.
Whats that asks God.

Its the star of Bethlemem shining the way to our saviour.
Brilliant says God in you go.

The welshman Pulls out a bunch of keys and starts to jangle them loudly.
Whats that says God.
Well Its the church bells ringing, rejoycing the birth of your son Jesus.
Excellent says God, in you go.

The Irishman thinks for a minute and then pulls out a g-string from his back pocket.
What the hell is that, demands God.

Its Carol's said the Irishman.

My Irish father-in- law told me that.