Well.. it had to happen sometime... the official Chuck Norris Fan page... post your pics of the great "sir" Norris
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Chuck Norris
- Thread starter YamahaMAXdRPMs
- Start date
W
wrightme43
LOL
I love these jokes.
We had one running for quite a while.
http://www.600riders.com/forum/bar/8762-i-beat-crap-out-chuck-norris-today.html
I love these jokes.
We had one running for quite a while.
http://www.600riders.com/forum/bar/8762-i-beat-crap-out-chuck-norris-today.html
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
- Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
- Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
- When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
- When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
- Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
- If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
- Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
- Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
- Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
champion221elite
Super Member
Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups... he pushes the Earth down.
scottsst
Junior Member
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-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-Chuck Norris once showed up at Google and demanded that they rename their search engine "Chuck Norris." When they refused, Chuck roundhouse kicked Google in the face, transforming it's bruised remains into Google Dark.
-Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .
-If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
-Chuck Norris once taught a class called "Ass Kicking 101". There were no survivors.
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
-The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face.
-Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
-Chuck Norris Isn't funny, stop laughing.
-Chuck Norris has an unbeatable poker face, concealed beneath an even more unbeatable poker beard.
-While a normal poker face conceals the emotion of its wearer, Chuck Norris’s poker face skips all that and just drives other players insane. As a result, the only way to survive a game of poker against Chuck Norris is to play online, and even then you still might go insane.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
-Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
-Q: What’s 30 times Chuck Norris?
A: Oblivion.
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-In conversation, Chuck Norris often quotes himself, and then laughs about it.
-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
-February 29th only occurs once every four years because Chuck Norris wills it to be so.
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
-Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.
-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
-There’s an old Chuck Norris saying: “He who has the Chuck Norris makes the rules.” It’s one of those nonsensical old sayings, since it implies that someone can “have” Chuck Norris.
-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
-A man stopped Chuck Norris on the street and asked him to list 100 Chuck Norris facts. Unamused, Chuck Norris raised one eyebrow with such force that the man disintegrated.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-Chuck Norris once picked a fight with a duck. The duck turned out to have several 10th degree blackbelts, and was the most formidable adversary Chuck Norris ever faced. Funny how random the universe can be.
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
-Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
-There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-Chuck Norris once showed up at Google and demanded that they rename their search engine "Chuck Norris." When they refused, Chuck roundhouse kicked Google in the face, transforming it's bruised remains into Google Dark.
-Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .
-If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
-Chuck Norris once taught a class called "Ass Kicking 101". There were no survivors.
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
-The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face.
-Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
-Chuck Norris Isn't funny, stop laughing.
-Chuck Norris has an unbeatable poker face, concealed beneath an even more unbeatable poker beard.
-While a normal poker face conceals the emotion of its wearer, Chuck Norris’s poker face skips all that and just drives other players insane. As a result, the only way to survive a game of poker against Chuck Norris is to play online, and even then you still might go insane.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
-Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
-Q: What’s 30 times Chuck Norris?
A: Oblivion.
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-In conversation, Chuck Norris often quotes himself, and then laughs about it.
-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
-February 29th only occurs once every four years because Chuck Norris wills it to be so.
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
-Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.
-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
-There’s an old Chuck Norris saying: “He who has the Chuck Norris makes the rules.” It’s one of those nonsensical old sayings, since it implies that someone can “have” Chuck Norris.
-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
-A man stopped Chuck Norris on the street and asked him to list 100 Chuck Norris facts. Unamused, Chuck Norris raised one eyebrow with such force that the man disintegrated.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-Chuck Norris once picked a fight with a duck. The duck turned out to have several 10th degree blackbelts, and was the most formidable adversary Chuck Norris ever faced. Funny how random the universe can be.
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
-Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
-There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
-If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
""If an episode of (Walker Texas Ranger) changed your life...........You might be a Red neck"" -Jeff Foxworthy- LOL:rof:
jdesiano1
Up to no Good
Ohmigod hilarious I wanted to marry him so bad. LOl Then again I also wanted to marry mcguyver.:rockon:
Tremulant
It's not over...
If I was really plastered I would be tempted to put this decal on my bike I mean, what can you say about something that's been approved by Chuck Norris?Nothing...that's what.
Oh yeah, Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
AJ_rider
Published FIZZER
Haha, same here.
Also. When Superman goes to bed at night, he wears Chuck Norris pajamas...
scoobydrvr
Junior Member
Can Chuck Norris commit suicide?
