The ancient art of sledging

[Hellgate]

I swear, the UK, Aussie discussions are so freaking bazar. You guys really don't speak English do you?

In Iraq I had my hair cut each week and the Paki barbers ALWAYS had cricket on the TV, so I watched about an hour a week. I never did figure that game out...

 

[Wolfman]

cant bat, cant bowl, cant field........Shane Warne, most imfamously caught saying this about a fellow player on the stump microphone, a few years ago....good one Warney!

 

[Wolfman]

I swear, the UK, Aussie discussions are so freaking bazar. You guys really don't speak English do you?

In Iraq I had my hair cut each week and the Paki barbers ALWAYS had cricket on the TV, so I watched about an hour a week. I never did figure that game out...

LOL! Was thinking when Nelly posted this, that the Americans on the forum would be struggling to understand it all....sorta like me watching grid iron!

Pete, if you really want to be completely confused by our use of the english language...google the angry fisherman.....NSFW.....lots and lots of F & C words...but very Aussie!

 

[fazer513]

you just gotta luv it.
5 days of drinks, lunch, drinks, tea, drinks, stumps, and while all this is going on a couple of your lucky team mates can have a crack at bowling a maiden over, while they are trying to get their balls to 'in swing', 'out swing', 'reverse swing', or just 'swing' if they can't control 'em properly, and to help him out you can polish his ball too. All on the proviso the bowler does not step over the crease and then the ball is a no-ball and you have to bowl the ball again until you get 6 correctly bowled balls at which time the fielding team swaps ends and the other bowler gets to have a go from his end....... all very straight forward really. The bowler can do several things with the ball, all very athletic. Full toss, half volley, short length, full length, yorker (sand shoe crusher), bouncer, leg break, off break, all done at fast, fast-medium, medium, medium-slow, slow or with spin, left or right handed......wonderful game this cricket.....
and there is the batsman who has to try and hit the ball and make runs, the 2 umpires, and the 3rd umpire (who's not on the ground) in case the first one can't make up his mind cos he can't ask the 2nd umpire cos he's at the wrong end....
the 12th man is the corner stone of the game, very important, gets to carry the drinks all day and bring out the dry gloves with secret little messages......
WAGS, can't forget the wags, especially when they make it into the newspapers... some of the evening gowns are very nice......
gotta luv cricket.
and the best part,
you get to sledge the batsmen.... now that's a whole other game :Flip:

 

[Wolfman]

Found this lot today...some of these sledges are now quite famous...my favourite is the one directed at Mark Waugh!!!!

Daft cricket. They slog your good balls and get out to your bad ones.
Matthew Hoggard

That Glenn McGrath ... what a bastard.
Mick Jagger

Jason Gillespie is a 30-year-old in a 36-year-old body.
Bob Willis

I smiled at Ricky Ponting. He didn't smile back. He was in a terrible temper for some reason. Quite why he was blaming me when his partner, Damien Martyn, had called him for a suicidal single to cover, I don't know. You know what's more? All the palaver caused me to burn my toast.
Duncan Fletcher on the fallout from the infamous Gary Pratt run out

The number of fumbles, misfields and grabs at thin air brought to mind some England performances of the past ... a team full of dobbers and crap fielders? It has been said about every England touring team to Australia in the past 15 years. It's nice to be able to return the compliment.
Michael Atherton



Ricky Ponting continues to believe that the lbw law simply doesn't exist. And Andrew Symonds has to work out how to get his hip flask onto the field without the Sky cameras noticing.
Dan Nicoll

The kindest thing you can say about their performance is that it was shoddy but you can think of many stronger words to use.
Richie Benaud

ENGLAND vs. AUSTRALIA

Mark Waugh : F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England.
James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family.

Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.
Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's

Tap that one down you little b*stard.
Tony Lock bowls a bouncer at Richie Benaud following a prolonged spell of gardening

Take a good look at this arse of mine, you'll see plenty of it this summer.
David Steele to Rodney Marsh

You are a damned lot of sneaks.
WG Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877

They are capital winners out here, but I'm afraid the same adjective cannot be applied to them as losers.
Lord Harris, on tour in Australia in 1879

The aim of English cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia.
Jim Laker

The Australian temper is at bottom grim. It is as though the sun has dried up his nature
Sir Neville Cardus



I know plenty of professionals whom I would delight to have as guests in my home, but I'm afraid I cannot say the same thing about most Australians I have met.
AW Carr

The traditional dress of the Australian cricketer is the baggy green cap on the head and the chip on the shoulder. Both are ritualistically assumed.
Simon Barnes writing for The Times

Aussies are big and empty, just like their country.
Ian Botham

All you Aussies are a bunch of hicks who don't know the first thing about cricket.
Ian Botham

If you're playing against the Australians you dont walk.
Ian Botham

Chappell was a coward. He needed a crowd around him before he would say anything. He was sour like milk that had been sitting in the sun for a week.
Ian Botham

Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare.
Mike Brearley

As harrowing occupations go, there can't be much to choose between the Australian cricket captaincy and social work on Skid Row.
Doug Ibbotson

A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in one's life, if one was deaf.
Harold Larwood

Well bowled Harold!
Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest



All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob.
Douglas Jardine. Comment made to Australian wicket keeper Stork Hendry during the infamous 1932-1933 Bodyline series.

If we don't beat you we'll knock your bloody heads off.
Bill Voce

Are you aware, sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be destroyed?
Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee

The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus.
Martin Johnson on Merv Hughes

The Aussies try to present a tough guy image, but this present generation are a bunch of cissies.
Tony Grieg

The only one who really got up my nose was Steve Waugh who spent the entire series giving out verbals. A bit of a joke really when he was the one bloke wetting himself against the quick bowlers.
Michael Atherton

If they stop throwing, cricket in Australia will die.
Tommy Andrews

Merv is a funny guy, though he would sledge his own mother if he thought it would help the cause.
Gladstone Small

Shane Warne is thicker than a complete set of Wisden yearbooks.
Matt Price

I have on occasion taken a quite reasonable dislike to the Australians.
Ted Dexter

REST OF THE WORLD vs. AUSTRALIA

The only time an Australian ever walks is when his car runs out of petrol.
Barry Richards, 1980

Are you going to get out or do I have to come round the wicket and kill you?
Malcolm Marshall to David Boon



You convicts are all the same.
Malcolm Marshall to Steve Waugh after he refused to walk

Go and deflate yourself, you balloon.
Daryll Cullinan to Shane Warne

Shane Warne : I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.
Daryll Cullinan : Looks like you spent it eating.

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps.
Dennis Lillee

What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can't have a f***ing glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us.
Allan Border to Robin Smith

Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back!
Merv Hughes to Robin Smith

Merv Hughes : You can't f**king bat.
Robin Smith : Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl.

Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot.
Voice from the crowd, Newcastle Test

You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell

Bowl the bastard a grand Piano and see if he can play that instead!
Yabba

Don't swat those flies, Jardine, they're the only friends here you've got!
Yabba

Don't give the bastard a drink. Let him die of thirst.
Voice from the crowd while Jardine was batting during the Bodyline series

The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears.
Thomson



The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding.
Ian Chappell

ENGLAND VS ENGLAND

David Gower : Do you want Gatt a foot wider?
Chris Cowdrey : No. He'd burst.

How anyone can spin a ball the width of Gatting boggles the mind.
Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's ball of the century

If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him.
Graham Gooch

A fart competing with thunder.
Graham Gooch on England's chances in Australia in 1990-91

England have only three major problems. They can't bat, they can't bowl and they can't field.
Martin Johnson

I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope.
Andrew Flintoff

AUSTRALIA vs. AUSTRALIA

Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.
Ian Healy, 1996

It was a mixture of bad bowling, good shots and arse.
Jason Gillespie, describing his own Ashes performance

Q: What's your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.

In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller.
Ian Chappell on hearing David Boon had downed 58 beers on the flight to England in 1989. Boon claimed he was afraid of flying.



Damien Martyn has batted handily in his unobtrusive way but fielded like a pensioner. Langer has his limitations. Without Clarke, this side has more carthorses than a Victorian mail coach. Suddenly this team is looking its age. Sometimes, when the end comes, it is quick.
Peter Roebuck



When Justin Langer finds his off stump akimbo he leaves the crease only after asking the met office whether any earthquakes have been recorded in the region. In any case, he never edges the ball. It's just that his bat handle keeps breaking.
Peter Roebuck

Border is a walnut: hard to crack and without much to please the eye.
Peter Roebuck

An ordinary bloke trying to make good without ever losing the air of a fellow with a hangover.
Peter Roebuck on Merv Hughes

:rockon:

 

[Andz]

"Good morning, Lord's Cricket Ground, how may I help you?"
"I'd like to speak to Ricky Ponting please"
"I'm sorry, he's just gone in to bat"
"That's okay, I'll hold"

 

[Wolfman]

"Good morning, Lord's Cricket Ground, how may I help you?"
"I'd like to speak to Ricky Ponting please"
"I'm sorry, he's just gone in to bat"
"That's okay, I'll hold"

An oldy, but a goody!

:thumbup:

 

[Raid The Revenge]

INSULTS TO BATSMAN
"Yep...yep...yyyyyyeeeeppp...yep..yep.....yeeeepp...yeep...yep."
(Trust me, this will drive anyone NUTS after a while).

"Batsman is going to block with his stumps!"

(To an opening batsman) "Don't worry! The bowler will bail you out!"

INSULTS TO UMPIRE
"Hey umpire! You're missing a good game!"

"Hey umpire! Was that on or off?"

(Referee makes a bad call that benefits one team) "Wow! Suddenly the umpire made 11 friends and 11 enemies...all at the same time!"

(Referee makes a really bad call) "Hey umpire! Are you having fun PLAYING the game?"

(Referee makes a really bad call) "Hey umpire! Think like a fruit and swing both ways!!"

INSULTS TO BOWLER
"Rolling, rolling, rolling, the bowler's going bowling - BOWL WIDE!!!"
(Sing it like the one from "Rawhide").

Bowler bowls it wide - "Whoa! That was wider than you are!"

 

[dean owens]

Q. What is the height of optimism?

A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

i don't know anything about the game... but this made me laugh.

 

[fast blue one]

Probably my favourite (clean) one: After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Shaun Pollock told Ricky Ponting: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces. Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

OR

Put Blair Po****, Mark Waugh and biscuit into google for a non work safe bit of classic sledging.

Don't know why it censored P-O-L-L-O-C-K. It's just a surname and the name of a tasty fish.

 

[fast blue one]

This series I will miss Shane Warne for his talent and character. What I won't miss is that incessant voice that piped up every time Warne was at the crease "nice one Warney" "Great hit Shane" etc ad nauseam. It didn't matter if he did anything good or not, you would hear this every delivery exceptthe last one.

 

[Motogiro]

Huh - had to google that one!

Here is what I got: Sledging is a term used in cricket to describe the practice whereby some players seek to gain an advantage by insulting or verbally intimidating the opposing batsman. The purpose is to try to weaken the opponent's concentration, thereby causing him to make mistakes or underperform. It can be effective because the batsman stands within hearing range of the bowler and certain close fielders; and vice-versa. The insults may be direct or feature in conversations among fielders designed to be overheard.

Hmm... Is this right Nelly?

Do Jo Mammas count? "Your mamma be so Fat! She's so Fat the back of her neck looks like a pack O hot dogs" :spank::spank::ban:

 

[fast blue one]

Do Jo Mammas count? "Your mamma be so Fat! She's so Fat the back of her neck looks like a pack O hot dogs" :spank::spank::ban:

It would seem that sledging is a term that doesn't travel well

 

[manas12]

We Indians don't know a thing about sledging...I swear..no really!

Here's a couple that always cracked me up though:

1. Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes (remember this Zimbabwean ?): After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" Brandes retorted, "Cos every time I ***** your wife she gives me a biscuit".

2. Shane Warne & Daryll Cullinan. Warne always had Cullinan's number every time they faced off. As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting two years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

And then here are a few where Indian cricketers gave smack to their opponents, this happens really infrequently though

The Prasad Vs Sohail Incident : This is by far the greatest ever "sledging" by an Indian cricketer, Venkatesh Prasad none the less!

Hero to Zero in 3 easy steps

1. Play a Great Shot: Amir Sohail came down the ground and slashed the bowl over vacant off side area… the ball disappeared into the fence in a flash.

2. Act Oversmart: Sohail after hitting the shot pointed his bat the area where the bowl had disappeared and then towards Prasad apparently gesturing where he will send the next one.

3. Get what you called for: Sohail attempting to repeat the shot (albeit with his feet stuck to the ground this time) made room and exposed his stumps, and his weakness, and in return lost his wicket and his face. As the wicket lay uprooted, Prasad returned the favour to Sohail, pointing to the pavilion this time.


Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir: Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying ”Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.", after Sachin had just hit Mushtaq Ahmed for a boundary at cover.
Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6.

Ravi shastri v/s Mike Whitney:
Its common knowledge that Indian’s usually don’t resort to sledging, and the Aussies swear by it. In this rare ocassion the tables had turned and it was the Aussies who were at the receiving end.
Shastri hits the ball towards Mike Whitney (the 12th man in the game) and looks for a single, this guy gets the ball in and says
Whitney: “If you leave the crease i’ll break your f***ing head”
Shastri didn’t bat an eyelid before replying : ” If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the f***ing 12th man”

-Manas.

 

[Nelly]

Ya don't fib either lol:Flip::spank:

Nelly

 

[Nelly]

Hey, got a pen nelly...so we can write a message on the ball, so you know what's coming next delivery!!!!

Good idea Jamie, now you got no pace men, out guys could read it with ease lol

 

[Nelly]

I swear, the UK, Aussie discussions are so freaking bazar. You guys really don't speak English do you?

In Iraq I had my hair cut each week and the Paki barbers ALWAYS had cricket on the TV, so I watched about an hour a week. I never did figure that game out...

Lkie the Aussies then Pete?

 

[Nelly]

This series I will miss Shane Warne for his talent and character. What I won't miss is that incessant voice that piped up every time Warne was at the crease "nice one Warney" "Great hit Shane" etc ad nauseam. It didn't matter if he did anything good or not, you would hear this every delivery exceptthe last one.

Actually I will miss Adam, he really added to the tension. A great player, routinely scored on par with our openers.

BTW KP reached the 1000 run miles stone against Australia today...


Nelly

 

[Wolfman]

Australia V's England - First Test!

Ok boys & girls, the battle has begun....didnt get to see any of the first day of the first cricket test between cricket's oldest rivals....but it looks as if it was a fairly even day...with maybe the Aussies coming out slightly on top...England made some decent runs, but at the expense of 7 wickets...

I bet the Poms are rueing the fact that Pieterson, or Collingwood didnt go on to post a 3 figure score....

will be interesting tonight to see how the England innings finishes, and whether Australia can hit back with a big score....

C'mon Aussie, C'mon!

:rockon:

 

[fast blue one]

Re: Australia V's England - First Test!

Pieterson ? Reckless? surely not