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Whoops Sorry

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My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men.
So I told her to sit down and be quiet.
And guess what?
She failed to do even one of those things.

Ok..I've been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in, I've only gone and poisoned myself ( typical ) What I thought was a simple onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. I'm feeling ok but they said I should be out sometime in the Spring.

I went to the quacks the other day as I found a strawberry growing out my bum. Doc told me not to worry, he's got cream for it.

In the same vein

A man went to the doctors with a lettuce leaf sticking out of his bum.

"Hmmm, I don't like the look of that." Said the doc.

The man replied, "Doc, that's just the tip of the iceberg."
 
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe $ex.”
“Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then, who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “Then, who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March……. ”
 
Haha...that reminds me of the little boy walking with his father. They see a pair of dogs, in the heat of the moment.

"What are those dogs doing daddy?" the boy asks..."Oh, they're making puppies" replies the father. They walk on, the boy now content.

The next morning when the father wakes up, the boy is at the table eating cereal with a huge grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about this morning, little man?" asks the father.

"Well dad", the boy replies "Last night I couldn't sleep, so I came in to get you and mommy." "But then I saw you were making ME puppies, and that just made me SO HAPPY!"
exclaims the little boy....

Hope it's not a repeat here, I always liked that one...HA!

Loren
 
Shoot I cant look, I don't do Facebook...is my joke part of one going around?

Edit: oh, now I saw it. Ha. I once got my Sister-in-Law with something similar. She was pissed when the guy at Sears explained how the vacuum didn't really need a "flux capacitor"...he he he
 
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Best quote from the MOTOGP race in Austin, TX (COTA):

"It's so windy, my beer's white capping" as beer was pouring all over him.

I couldn't get a picture because I was too busy trying to remedy that my own beer was also white capping.
 
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