it's good to be a woman!

(Just thought these were funny, so I wanted to share. Hope no one gets offended.....)

1. we got off the Titanic first
2. we can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorders
3. we don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance
4. no fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo
5. we don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves
6. if we forget to shave, no one has to know
7. we can congratulate our teammates without touching her a**
8. we NEVER have to reach down to make sure our privates are still there and in place
9. we can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
10. we know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems
11. and we can make silly comments about men in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway!

LOL. great post!

lytehouse said:

(Just thought these were funny, so I wanted to share. Hope no one gets offended.....)

1. we got off the Titanic first
2. we can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorders
3. we don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance
4. no fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo
5. we don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves
6. if we forget to shave, no one has to know
7. we can congratulate our teammates without touching her a**
8. we NEVER have to reach down to make sure our privates are still there and in place
9. we can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
10. we know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems
11. and we can make silly comments about men in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway!

Click to expand...

LOL :rof: thats cute. Best is making sure the private are still there and in place....whats up with that?!?! :rof:

Fz6Steph said:

LOL :rof: thats cute. Best is making sure the private are still there and in place....whats up with that?!?! :rof:

Click to expand...

They have a mind of their own you know

lytehouse said:

1. we got off the Titanic first A woman was driving
2. we can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disordersCheating
3. we don't look like a frog in a blender when we danceDependant on alchol content
4. no fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the SpeedoBridgette Jones enormous pants
5. we don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselvesYou should try it
6. if we forget to shave, no one has to knowBut you would tell us anyway
7. we can congratulate our teammates without touching her a**You dont know what your missing
8. we NEVER have to reach down to make sure our privates are still there and in placeSee above
9. we can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them nakedNo imagination
10. we know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all your problemsExcept weight gain
11. and we can make silly comments about men in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway!Sorry did you say something

Click to expand...

Its good to be a man

And the benefits of being a man are as follows:

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
5. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
6. The garage is all yours.
7. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
8. Chocolate is just another snack.
9. You can be president.
10. You can wear white T-shirt to a water park.
11. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
12. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
13. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
14. You can open all your own jars.
15. You never have to drive to another gas station because this ones just too icky.
16. Same work.. more pay.
17. Wrinkles add character.
18. Wedding dress 5,000; Tux rental 100.
19. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
20. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
21. One mood ALL the damn time.
22. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
23. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
24. You can leave the motel bed undone.
25. You can kill your own food.
26. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
27. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be our friend.
28. Your underwear is 8.95 for a three-pack.
29. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
30. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
31. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
32. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
33. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
34. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
35. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
36. You almost never have strap problems in public.
37. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
38. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
39. You don't have to shave below your neck.
40. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
41. You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
42. You have the freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
43. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, December 24th, in 45 minutes.
44. The world is your urinal.



X

wow MisterX....you put alot of time into that!

But thank you.....it was very funny! :rof:

Its all brought a smile to my face so far:rof:

Both lists are awesome! Totalt politically incorrect...but true in so many ways. Lol...

*gets sex change*


heyyyyyyyyy

MisterX said:

And the benefits of being a man are as follows:

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
5. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
6. The garage is all yours.
7. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
8. Chocolate is just another snack.
9. You can be president.
10. You can wear white T-shirt to a water park.
11. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
12. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
13. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
14. You can open all your own jars.
15. You never have to drive to another gas station because this ones just too icky.
16. Same work.. more pay.
17. Wrinkles add character.
18. Wedding dress 5,000; Tux rental 100.
19. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
20. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
21. One mood ALL the damn time.
22. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
23. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
24. You can leave the motel bed undone.
25. You can kill your own food.
26. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
27. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be our friend.
28. Your underwear is 8.95 for a three-pack.
29. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
30. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
31. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
32. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
33. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
34. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
35. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
36. You almost never have strap problems in public.
37. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
38. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
39. You don't have to shave below your neck.
40. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
41. You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
42. You have the freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
43. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, December 24th, in 45 minutes.
44. The world is your urinal.



X

Click to expand...

**REVERSES SEX CHANGE**

whew....that was a close one.

lytehouse said:

wow MisterX....you put alot of time into that!

But thank you.....it was very funny! :rof:

Click to expand...

I wish that I could take credit for it. All I did was find it on the Web and do a copy/paste.



X

Fz6Steph said:

LOL :rof: thats cute. Best is making sure the private are still there and in place....whats up with that?!?! :rof:

Click to expand...

It's not making sure they are still there is is ADJUSTING, just like when you women do the bend forward adjust the boobs in the bra thing.

Along the same lines.....


A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floor s and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.’ That’s nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossi ble to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.





PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.



The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.



The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

thats awesome!

Fz6Steph said:

Along the same lines.....


A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floor s and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.’ That’s nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossi ble to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.





PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.



The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.



The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Click to expand...

what there was a 2nd floor to that store? ah well, im happy....

Do you know why women will never be satisfied?

NSFW sorta not real bad.
































No man has a chocolate ***** that ejaculates money.

wrightme43 said:

Do you know why women will never be satisfied?

NSFW sorta not real bad.








No man has a chocolate ***** that ejaculates money.

Click to expand...

Hey now....I'm diabetic, just the money is good, doesn't need to be chocolate :rof:

Fz6Steph said:

Along the same lines.....


A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floor s and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.’ That’s nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossi ble to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.





PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.



The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.



The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Click to expand...

:rof::rof::rof:

Now see what you started Lytehouse ,lol

Why beer is better than a woman.

1. You can enjoy a beer all night long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.

4. A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

8. Hangovers go away.

9. Beer labels come off without a fight.

10. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.

11. Beer never has a headache.

12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.

13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.

14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

15. A beer goes down easy.

16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.

17. You can share a beer with your friends.

18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.

19. Beer is always wet.

20. Beer doesn't demand equality.

21. You can have a beer in public.

22. A beer doesn't care when you come.

23. A frigid beer is a good beer.

24. Edited

25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.

26. You can't catch social diseases from a beer.

27. When you're interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason.

28. A beer is always satisfying.

29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.

30. A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.

31. A beer does not come with in-laws.

32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.

33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.

34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.

35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.

36. The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go to the bathroom.

37. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.

38. Its okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you brought.

39. Beer won't drive you to drink.

40. You can shoot a beer.

41. A beer chaser is easier to catch.

42. You don't need a license to live with a beer.

43. A tree is good enough for a beer.

44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.

45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.

46. Beer and "ice" don't mix.

47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation--it goes along happily.

48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.

49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.

50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.

51. Beer never complains about a wet spot.

52. You can put all your old beers together in one room and they won't fight.